#1
i feel like death. its time to leave home again.


grease smears in the lake
oil holes
your body is a chinese lantern
caught in the breeze
hiding
radiation poisoning
stuff gauze in my mouth so when I punch myself the blood swells and stops the sweet bloating I love it admit it you son of a bitch

admit it

i'd kill myself tonight
and you laughed as a 21 year old girl will
spines in the blackberry under the terrace
chestnut sheets stab pillow throws out right arm
spines in the snake replacing my lungs
wriggle through gums flaming crosses
in the twighlight
trusted you enough
amanda palmer in the macbook speaker
showed the wishing well inside my throat
said you should plunge your fist in
grab hold of the signal fires
lock the holding cell
slide my tongue into a chastity belt
until i beg you to kill me

kill me kill me i'll say with your sock in my mouth
dark angel leather
dark angle x-ray
slobber chest lumps when the needle penetrate
joints soar hinges neck vertebrae necklace

when you told me he took your head like a chimpanzee
slammed it into his dresser
(and i was in mexico with a hooker in a motel closet)
until you wanted it
begged for his cock
willingly your feet walked through his apartment door
willingly your dancer
feet behind your head
your dancer
watch with my mother from the audience
auditorium (i brought you roses)

one by one the house lights across the valley flicker off
it is three am

your dancer skeleton
dissipates the raindrops and a tin roof
rattles
#4
a few bits stuck out as a little too meandering but there was so much to love here. I'm sorry to say (I think) I've felt this way before. hang in there.
#5
Sorry I took so long to crit this... anyways, I love it man. I can tell you used a stream of consciousness style here, but you broke it up into stanzas, a really unique style IMO. It adds more of a poetic style to it. The second stanza was the only criticism I have. It just seemed a bit meandering, but maybe that's just compared to the rest of the piece. The ending was powerful.
Not my favorite one from you, but still awesome. Hang in there man.
Quote by turd_ferguson
[0:17] If my parents knew I was part of a group who celebrated christmas by drinking cough syrup they would probably cry

WEATHERER, the greatest band ever.