#1
So, I don't consider myself very good at writing songs for people or songs directly for someone for that matter, BUT my girlfriend desired me to write her one so I was like okay. Anyway, what criticism or (though I expect it not) praise have you guys got?

(Oh and its also just a simple folk song in open D tuning)

And we will die all in the trees
Like the red and gold leaves
And we will vanish with the clouds
While we stand just as tall

Like the leaves on the ground
We’ll be apart in the fall
Clouds come back, back around
The tree’s still there after all

And we made trains run on time
So we stand in our stations
Like masters of the sky and sea
Painting clocks to pass time by

Like the motion of those trains
And the chariot on high
We move with purposeful pains
And see with eyes of a spy

The way to live
Is the way to die
With a grinning
Sad goodbye
#4
The fourth stanza seemed like it should have had rhyming there, as the rest of the stanzas did, but overall it's not bad. Keep on keeping on
#5
Thanks, I appreciate those comments a lot! But in response to D&Dlover, the fourth stanza did rhyme? trains-pains, high-spy?
#6
Quote by shazaaammm
Thanks, I appreciate those comments a lot! But in response to D&Dlover, the fourth stanza did rhyme? trains-pains, high-spy?


Ahhh so sorry I meant the third one
#12
armaankx was a spambot. Report their posts if you see them. We will ban them and delete their posts. Don't click their links or respond to them.

Also, I'm closing this thread because people need to learn how to critique properly. Here is a thread that everyone should read. It will help you be more concise and helpful to others.