#1
Hello! I wrote the first part to this. And you can find that link in my sig. This is the second part. I don't know how long this will end up being. Thanks for your thoughts; I'll return them.


I walked away a foolish unbeliever. But those were back in my childish days. These days I’d know better. Or I would at least pretend to know better. And that’s all that matters, isn’t it? Pretending to know shit? I mean, who cares if you actually do or not. People will believe you as long as you act in confidence.

That’s something I have so little of—confidence. But you always told me I was confident. (Shows how well you knew me then.) I never could, and probably never will, figure out where you saw that confidence in me.

63 days. That’s how long I’ve been feeling the world around me. (And that’s definitely not long enough to build up any confidence.) I had a few different runs of feeling between that gloomy night and this gloomy morning but they all ended in my clothes on the floor, my head exploding, and vomit in the toilet. And believe me, those runs came to their ever-so-depressing ends very quickly. The world is too loud and I couldn’t turn it down.

I had become convinced that if I just stopped pouring vodka down my throat everything would be okay. But I quickly realized that my impulsive behaviors didn’t stop just because I’d stopped putting that poison in my mouth. I thought I could do whatever I wanted (like smoking in the rain with a stranger) and it would all be fine because my eyes were no longer glossy.

I was wrong. We were wrong.

Wrong is a painful word to say. Especially when I had based a lifetime on always being right. How could we be so wrong? How could one cigarette lead to something so destructive?

I ask myself those questions every day. Every ****ing day. And I still don’t have the answers to them. As it turns out, sharing a smoke spreads a disease that is far worse than the lung cancer that I am oh-so-often warned of.
Last edited by Cyclones41 at Jul 30, 2011,
#2
I really enjoyed reading this. The mood was great and the opening was phenomenal. There are only a few things I have a problem with. One, isn't it nonbeliever and not unbeliever? Two, the parenthesized sentence in the third paragraph. I know it's there to tie in the third paragraph with the second, but it just sticks out like a sore thumb, really destracting. The fourth paragraph reads really awkwardly too me. The sentences just seem too long. I do however like the idea of it. Anyways, other than those "flaws" this as really good good, especially the first, second, and second to last paragraphs. Keep it up, man.