#1
"Flowers and meadows and plot and adjectives and shit like that..."

Four posters of a canopy bed.
It would be romantic to say that
the soft glow on your skin was
magnificent, but it was just the
glow of the TV. I'm pretty sure
it was sportscenter and you were
really bored.

It doesn't matter. Fuck the details.
Get rid of the poetics.
Just know that you are still the
most beautiful thing I've ever come across.

A few more poetics and metaphors about
what happened next on the bed cover
of that hotel room overlooking
that beach in Hawaii
and how meaningful it was.
Whatever. Blah, Blah, Poetry, Blah.
What it all really meant was this.
You were contentedness.
Not I was content around you.
Not you made me content in my girl choices.
Being content and happy meant being yours.

I've spent the last couple years on nights
a lot like this, 2 am and up listening to
this same album over and over because I don't
really feel like exploring new music. Trying
to write something powerful and flowing in
tribute, like it was a war memorial.
Spending so much time trying to find reasons
why I never really truly loved you only helped
to to realize that I actually did.

And it really fucking sucks.

I loved you on four posters of a canopy bed.
I loved you between your grass and my sand.
I loved you between your silence and my static.
I loved you when I didn't want to.

Hell, I don't even know why I'm using past tense.

I know you are. Trust me, I am too.
I'd just like to hear you say it.
OBEY THE MIGHTY SHITKICKER
#2
this
was
incredible.
the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones that never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn


#3
Never a fan of self assured, self aware stuff but this one used it really effectively. And the honesty towards the end gutted the entire thing. In a good way. The ending packs a punch, this is definitely one of your better pieces.
#4
Quote by JustRooster
"Flowers and meadows and plot and adjectives and shit like that..."

Four posters of a canopy bed.
It would be romantic to say that
the soft glow on your skin was
magnificent, but it was just the
glow of the TV. I'm pretty sure
it was sportscenter and you were
really bored.

I really like this in its refreshingly realistic take on the situation.

It doesn't matter. Fuck the details.
Get rid of the poetics.
Just know that you are still the
most beautiful thing I've ever come across.

Loving where you're taking this.

A few more poetics and metaphors about
what happened next on the bed cover
of that hotel room overlooking
that beach in Hawaii
and how meaningful it was.
Whatever. Blah, Blah, Poetry, Blah.
What it all really meant was this.
You were contentedness.
Not I was content around you.
Not you made me content in my girl choices.
Being content and happy meant being yours.

I normally hate poems that know they're poems, but I think you pulled this off very well. The last four lines are great.

I've spent the last couple years on nights
a lot like this, 2 am and up listening to
this same album over and over because I don't
really feel like exploring new music. Trying
to write something powerful and flowing in
tribute, like it was a war memorial.
Spending so much time trying to find reasons
why I never really truly loved you only helped
to to realize that I actually did.

I relate to this 100% and you described it in such a magnificently real way. I'm not sure why, but I really like "listening to this ... exploring new music."

And it really fucking sucks.

I actually don't mind your usage of vulgarity in this piece because the entire piece is so raw and real. Normally, I shun vulgarities in poetry, but this is hardly poetry in any usual sense.

I loved you on four posters of a canopy bed.
I loved you between your grass and my sand.
I loved you between your silence and my static.
I loved you when I didn't want to.

Beautiful.

Hell, I don't even know why I'm using past tense.

I know you are. Trust me, I am too.
I'd just like to hear you say it.

I'm assuming by "are/am" you mean it in the sense of being in existence, but I'm not sure what you mean by the last line.


This was a joy to read and so refreshingly real and raw. It feels less like a poem and more like a late night rant going on in your own head. For the first time in a very long time, I feel like I can actually relate to a piece about love. You took love and wrote about it in a way which people can relate to and not just hope to someday relate to.

I loved every moment of reading this. Amazing work.

If you could give me a few word on my piece "Pretending To Be Deaf" in my signature, I'd be very grateful.

EDIT: By the way, the title is very fitting. I dig it.
Last edited by Winter Sky at Jul 31, 2011,
#7
For the type of poem that this is, it's very okay. I've come to feel that people can't write these types of poems without loading them with cliches, but I think I've also come to terms with that. So, as I've said, for what it is and what it's saying, I enjoyed it, just not as much as other things you've done.
#8
I loved you on four posters of a canopy bed.
I loved you between your grass and my sand.
I loved you between your silence and my static.
I loved you when I didn't want to.

i LOVED this part. By far my favorite of the entire peice. I dont know what it is, but i'm always a sucker for repitition and that whole "your" and "my" thing... idk what its called.. :P

But really, seriously and truely, i liked this'n a lot... a lot a lot.