#1
So here we are, not knowing
No way of showing how we could make this good
And there's my heart, not beating
Nowhere near completing the cycle that it should

Tonight we're only half alive and broken hearts don't have to collide
Deep inside, we both know that we should have so much more to show

I never knew I'd have so little
If we went back, would life still seem so brittle?
You fall like the forest trees, you're swaying out of line
But wait, I'm falling apart, falling for you now
And I don't want you to die
I've got to stop pretending
I'm not this libertine

And there she is, still growing
Where's she going? How did she get there?
Her whiskey lullaby, just singing
Not bringing her lost love back to care

Tonight we're only half alive and broken hearts have fled to hide
Deep within, we're giving in and choking on our shattered sin

I never knew I'd have so little
If we went back, would life still seem so brittle?
You fall like the forest trees, you're swaying out of line
But wait, I'm falling apart, falling for you now
And I don't want you to die
I've got to stop pretending
Baby, I'm not this libertine

We both go down together
A golden casket of leather
Dead memories along the way
No price to be lowered and paid
Single opportunities
To live a life so free
Fractured blackened hope
Darling, I hope that you can cope...

I never knew I'd have so little
If we went back, would life still seem so brittle?
You fall like the forest trees, you're swaying out of line
But wait, I'm falling apart, falling for you now
And I don't want you to die
I've got to stop pretending
I'm not this libertine

I never knew I'd have so little
If we went back, would life still seem so brittle?
You fall like the forest trees, you're swaying out of line
But wait, I'm falling for your heart
I don't want you to die
I've got to stop pretending
I don't know how we got here
But I'm not this libertine

I'm just not this libertine...


- Samantha Lupton

<3
#2
I feel like this was somewhat built upon a few one liners. Not to say it's bad, but certain lines hit a lot harder, read a lot better, and feel more polished than others.

The other nagging thing was I could never quite get an established rhythm going in some stanza, most notably the chorus. I always liked the "libertine" line, but everything leading up to it beforehand seems a tad...off. Maybe if you refined some parts, and made some lines less word heavy, it'd read better.

Although those are negatives, I still liked the piece overall. You have a penchant for streaks of good writing, they just need a bit more development. In my opinion.