#1
I wrote a song yet some of the versus were vague and a bit too odd.. I have been told numerous times that this song is very creepy and kind of stalker-ish yet they have all agreed the guitar and feeling of the song is very emotional and feels right..

The song I wrote is called Teddy Stalker. It is a metaphorical song about a Teddy Bear whom is neglected by his lover/owner who now has a real boy and just leaves the Teddy Bear on the shelf. It may sound creeper. But the guitar for it is simple yet strong.

TAB:

A|6-6-6-6-6-6-6-6--------------------
E|--------------------4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4


Distorted version

D|5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-6-6-6-6-6-6-6-6
A|6-6-6-6-6-6-6-6-6-6-6-6-6-6-6-6
E|---------------------4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4

Oh, And whenever it says "I'm a teddy stalker"

D|----------5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-
A|5-5-6-6-6-6-6-6-6-6-6-6-
E|3-3-4-4----------------------

Lyrics are:

Verse 1

If I twas a teddy bear,
I'd send myself to you,
I'd watch you watch the moon,
I'm a Teddy Stalker..

Verse 2 (Again, missing 2 lines.)

_______________________,
_______________________.
Does he make you happier than I do?
Does he taste better than I make you feel?


Verse 3

I'd walk around your room,
Wake you in the noon,
Give you ****ing.. DOOM.
Cause' I deserve better than your shit,
You can hold his arms instead of....
Me.

(Where the super heaviness kicks in with a speedy
solo that sounds similar to a cassette tape sparking out in a radio.)

Verse 4

So why do you keep me here?
Why do you leave me here?
So why do you need me here?
Why am I really here?
So why..
Do..
You..
Keep...
Meeeeeeee
Here..?

Verse 5 (I never finished it but felt like it needed something.)

________________.
________________.
________________.
________________.

Verse 6

Though maybe it's because, I was never enough.
For you, to make you happier than I did.
Though maybe it's because, I was never enough.
For you, to make you as sad as I did..
I must have been a stalker..
I didn't mean to be like that.
I was just caring... About you.

Verse 7

But I'm gone... I'm lost..
I'm here... Without... You.
I'm gone... I'm lost...
I'm here... Without... You.


So basically I'm just sort of asking for help. Change up the lyrics and need some help with what to do with this song. I don't want to just throw it away in the scrap book.

Please and thank you for your help!
#2
That's not much of a blues feel at all, that's more metal, I've never heard blues with a death feel and heavy cussing, what I'd suggest you do if you want to wite blues is go listen to stevie ray vaughan, jimi hendrix, bb king, and eric clapton for a few hours.
#3
Please give the rules a quick read if you haven't already done so. Next time, name the title of the thread the actual song/poem name, or just simply Untitled and the genre for which the music is.

Also, leave out the tab for your music. If you want to discuss tab work then use the appropriate forum. This area is dedicated solely to songwriting in the lyrical context.