#1
I'm working on a song but I'm not sure about the lyrics so far. Its just about general things I dont like but I'm worried that it comes across as pretentious or self important. here it is;

Acid rain -

its money first, money next and money last.
its a sad day when they put a price on a laugh.
so let me tell you something quite deppressing I have found.
money seems to make the world go round.

its a saddening way.
need something, ya gotta pay.
those who can't are lost.
its societys cost

the way in and the way out is forward.
there aint no point going back.
because there is a reason that we left that place.
we all knew it was pretty crap.

every place I go.
makes me miss my home.
but im not sure where that is.
maybe its yet to appear.

time scares the shit out of me.
because I'm always running out.
I spend so much of it wondoring where it goes.
the only answer I got is, **** knows.

fallen into that trap.
of trying to get it all back.
its your greatest friend
but it kills you in the end.

what do you think? got a gig in a couple of days so speedy reviews desperately needed!
#4
It's pretty cool
It would be very glamorous to be reincarnated as a great big ring on Liz Taylor's finger?!

Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely, Unicorns --> I wonder....
#5
ok I've finished the lyrics! what do you guys think of the full version?

its money first, money next and money last.
its a sad day when they put a price on a laugh.
so let me tell you something quite deppressing I have found.
money seems to make the world go round.

its a saddening way.
need something, ya gotta pay.
those who can't are lost.
its societys cost

the way in and hte way out is forward.
there aint no point going back.
because there is a reason that we left that place.
we all knew it was pretty crap.

every place I go.
makes me miss my home.
but im not sure where that is.
maybe its yet to appear.

time scares the shit out of me.
because I'm always running out.
I spend so much of it wondoring where it goes.
the only answer I got is, **** knows.

fallen into that trap.
of trying to get it all back.
its your greatest friend
but it kills you in the end.

acid rain falling from the sky burns my face. burns my face.
acid clouds up so high, blocking the sun. block the sun.
acid puddles on the floor. trip me up. trip me up.
acid, its everywhere

I'm gonna give it all one more go.
goodness knows I gotta another shot.
no matter how futile the attempt may seem.
if I dont try the rain will take the lot.

when everythings gone wrong.
no choice but to move on.
won't let myself stop.
I'll see you at the top.


still thinking of scrapping the entire lyrics and doing something a bit more down to earth