#1
Hey, UG. My last post didn't get a good response, so I took what everybody said and I think it really shows in this piece.
It has the sound of Off Street Parking by The Bicycle Thief, at least that's how it sounds in my head.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pEaIQMG9ID8
As I said in my last post, I would like everybody to be BRUTALLY HONEST!

Down and Out
Throughout my life
It always seemed to be
Being down and out
Worked out well for me

Im not expected
To do too much
It just seem like a sad excuse
To use this crutch

But I like it

People look down on you
And tell you to change your ways
I tell em to keep their thoughts
Cause im doin just fine
__________________________
Being down and out
I'll choose it everytime
It can't be worse
Than being only half sublime
__________________________

Some say there's a light at the end
But mine is covered in shrouds
All i see is darkness
And it's covered by the clouds

And I love it
__________________________
Being down and out
I'll choose it everytime
It can't be worse
Than being fully sublime
__________________________
#2
Really good blues feel, I love it man! That's me being brutal, this is great keep up the good work!
#3
This had a very simple, honest feels to it, which I thought was well done. I liked the change from "half sublime" to "full sublime" at the end, I thought that was a neat way to tie those two stanzas together.

Overall, I enjoyed it, and I could see it going along similar lines as the recorded song you posted.

C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=27796230#post27796230 Thanks!
Too lazy to come up with a clever or relevant sig.
Last edited by PCADriven at Aug 1, 2011,
#4
I think it's great, simple and concise. There's really not much to crit here tbh It's well done. However I'm intrigued, what does the crutch represent here?

Some say there's a light at the end
But mine is covered in shrouds
All i see is darkness
And it's covered by the clouds

I loved this verse.

Keep it up
#5
Quote by ali.guitarkid7
I think it's great, simple and concise. There's really not much to crit here tbh It's well done. However I'm intrigued, what does the crutch represent here?

To me, the crutch symbolizes taking the easy way out. Thanks for the crit!
#7
Quote by NihilistNixon
Gay


Get the hell out of here.
Don't listen to this guy, he's a dick.

Anyways, to your piece.
I liked it, I don't have much to say about it, but I did like it a lot.
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Kicking a man when he's down, I'm proud of you

When they're down is the safest time.

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#8
Quote by NihilistNixon
Gay

ugh another metal head trying to be an ass, quit trying to downsize the blues musicians and go back to icp, don't listen to that guy this was a really good peice!