#1
When worlds collide:

A young protagonist in an old man’s dream
He starts a revolution but dies in the scene
where the story is told and the triggers are pulled endlessly.

But in the years that passed since the fall of the past
He even met the Devil and came round and asked:
“Is it really worth the trouble to try and be good?”

The Devil turned and looked him in the eye.
He said: “I don’t know but we’ll see in time.”
As they waited in the afterlife
for the worlds to collide.

Her face was known by few and her name by less.
She had a distant dreaming smile and a dirty old dress
She always thought about Jesus when she satisfied the needs of her friends.

Was she nothing at all or a pawn or a queen?
Was her life a quiet truth or an unusual dream?
She wondered to herself as she picked up the knife from the floor.

When the deed was done and she opened up her eyes
She found out and smiled in surprise
That she had only just been passing time
Watching the worlds collide.

He’s tired and he’s broken, a man of few words
He lives in isolation from himself and the world
Unaware of the existence of the things he used to praise so much.

He used to like to gamble and he used to like to sing.
Now he’s waiting to see what death will bring
in the evening of his already meaningless life.

And he’s waiting still and hoping too
That one day he will find out who
Knows the secret behind and the reason why
It only happens when worlds collide.


So I wrote this the other day.. and I would love to the opinions of someone who isn't me.. Anyway i'll crit yours if you crit mine
#2
I liked this. It had a dirty, almost tired half-eloquence to it (if that makes sense). The rhyme scheme you were using I thought worked quite well in keeping a certain flow going throughout the entire piece that I thought made the piece even better than if you just took it at face value.

Well done! C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1466740
Too lazy to come up with a clever or relevant sig.