#1
My band is playing in a competition soon, and we're planning on busting out a new song. It's different from our other songs, so I wanted to give it sort of a different feel as far as the lyrics/title. We're a post-grunge band regularly, but this song has more of an indie rock feel to it. I'll post the lyrics, and if requested I may be able to post an mp3 of just the instruments.

If I don't get any good titles, hey, never hurts to get some criticism on my lyrics.


Blacktop, burning in the heat of the summer
And downtown, someone's found a way to get paid
They don't ask questions if the price is right, my dear
So take a dive and lift your cares away

If you think we're living low, then there's more to us than you'll ever know
Cuz we do it for the money and the thrill we get from running away

It's all your fault that we are all so faulty
You pillage with your neverending greed
Adrenaline will drive us to do things we've never done
Moral value giving way to need
Wipe the smile off your face!

Claustrophobic, feeling the walls moving towards us
But I don't pay no heed to what my role models say
Don't worry what you'll look like in that prison orange
When greenbacks make them look the other way


We're gonna die like this babe, you and me
With our hands behind our heads, down on our knees
With the tax collector's pistol, hot on our skin
Don't say sorry for the bullshit they got us in


So yeah, that's it. There is meaning, but my stuff isn't too deep so you can probably get it. If someone could give me a few suggestions, that would be awesome. Thanks guys, I'll pay back anyone who needs crit on their stuff.
#2
Indie rock? The Throw-down of Dick Chaney, I have no idea what it means, but it's indie.
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#3
Thanks bro. I already suggested the title, "This is Your Brain (On Fire)" to my guitarist and he basically just said "...Perhaps something else." He wrote all the instruments, I just wrote lyrics and vocals.

Maybe not something so random and meaningless. I'd like it to be maybe a longer title, but probably something having to do with the song. Thanks, though.
#4
Capifallism

Like, capitalism, and um, falling...? Iunno, seems indie, kinda cheesy :P I'll keep thinking and will edit it in this post for ya.
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#5
You're on a good track, that's just a bit too cheesy. Keep thinking! I really appreciate any help I can get! Try something longer and something that meanders a bit.

My titles:
This is Your Brain (On Fire) - Shot down by guitarist (I love it, though )
The Old College Try
Las Vegas Love Song
High Risk, Low Reward
#6
Definitely not the last one, sorry

The others are good (I also like the brain one, kick your guitarist out )

The Wicked Witch, Like the Rest (not sure what this means, but I was just listening to some Wicked and thought it was funny )
We'll Burn at the Stake of Our Fear

The last stanza reminds me of a crucifixion, so it pertains and it's kind of interesting. I'm not sure about "fear" though, just couldn't think of anything else.
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#7
"We'll Burn at the Stake of Our Fear" is your best suggestion so far. I'm gonna take that and tweak it a little to see what I can come up with.


And I know, the last one is awful I threw it out there because I was totally strapped.
#8
Quote by Rockford_rocks
"We'll Burn at the Stake of Our Fear" is your best suggestion so far. I'm gonna take that and tweak it a little to see what I can come up with.


And I know, the last one is awful I threw it out there because I was totally strapped.


I'd try and figure out a different word other than fear - that's the one thing I don't like about it, personally.

If it wasn't so gosh darn cliche, it'd be good

If you have time, could you read my latest poem? And the life depletes as it makes its way. I'm not looking for a crit or anything, I just like when people read it and say they like it or not
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#9
How about 'Pay Day'
Now I'm walking the empty solemn streets
Casting down the shadows of my defeat
You look at me as if I'm throwing my life away
Well I'll tell you now, I'm not a fucking hyperbole.

Honey