#1
It's been a while since I've posted on here so here's part of a new song I'm working on. Influences range from Misery Signals to It Prevails and even some Amia Venera Landscape (check that band out). I'm not sure if I'm gonna start the song off with the beginning riff or add something before that. Give me your thoughts! C4C as always.

If you're wondering, the tentative title for this song comes from the fact that we get a ton of drummers who seem like they're interested in playing for us and then they just bail on us a couple days later.

check post 7 for update.

EDIT: check post 12 for update.
Attachments:
drummers suck.gp5
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Last edited by synestershadows at Aug 16, 2011,
#3
Quote by synestershadows

If you're wondering, the tentative title for this song comes from the fact that we get a ton of drummers who seem like they're interested in playing for us and then they just bail on us a couple days later.

Must be because of the way you tab drums You really should tab it with the correct note lenghts instead of using all sixteenth notes with tonnes of sixteenth pauses, that's not right.

For an actual crit, I must say it does sound pretty rad with the full chords in one speaker and the powerchords in the other, very full sound, I quite liked that intro even though the lead part used no more than 3 notes, it fit very nicely. It all flowed very well and built up a really cool sound setting.

I think bar 26-33 sounded a bit too empty, I can assume that was intentional, but I think it would sound a lot cooler with some drums as well, perhaps some rhythmic but soft hi hats with the occasional bass drum in there. Nothing wrong with the descending melody though.

The following fade in fade out notes were really cool imo, I wouldn't have minded keeping that section going for a bit longer before launching in to the build up.
Bar 46-57 were pretty great as well, good mix of 3/4 and 4/4 without it feeling awkward and the two guitars with ringing notes. I think you should continue it and add more to it, small nuances, it would do great to it.

All in all, good stuff, it would be cool to see how you finish it.
#4
Maybe the drummers bail out because you guys are metalcore?
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#5
Quote by Ometh
Maybe the drummers bail out because you guys are metalcore?

ololololololol u so funny! at least we aren't a scene band.

Actually, drummers here in San Diego are known to not be very committed. The only dude who's committed is actually filling in for us right now, but we're also his third band that he has to juggle around. We had one guy who decided he wanted to DJ instead of drum, one guy who thought he was kicked out of his band but a couple days later was asked to come back, one guy who kept going back and forth to Colorado and multiple others that just didn't fit us.

So how about next time you actually CRIT the song instead of talking shit? Sound good?

Quote by intothe
Must be because of the way you tab drums You really should tab it with the correct note lenghts instead of using all sixteenth notes with tonnes of sixteenth pauses, that's not right.

For an actual crit, I must say it does sound pretty rad with the full chords in one speaker and the powerchords in the other, very full sound, I quite liked that intro even though the lead part used no more than 3 notes, it fit very nicely. It all flowed very well and built up a really cool sound setting.

I think bar 26-33 sounded a bit too empty, I can assume that was intentional, but I think it would sound a lot cooler with some drums as well, perhaps some rhythmic but soft hi hats with the occasional bass drum in there. Nothing wrong with the descending melody though.

The following fade in fade out notes were really cool imo, I wouldn't have minded keeping that section going for a bit longer before launching in to the build up.
Bar 46-57 were pretty great as well, good mix of 3/4 and 4/4 without it feeling awkward and the two guitars with ringing notes. I think you should continue it and add more to it, small nuances, it would do great to it.

All in all, good stuff, it would be cool to see how you finish it.

Well the drums are just there to see how it sounds and see how I might want them to flow. The drummer usually writes his own, plus I wrote these in about 5 minutes.

Thanks for the crit, btw.
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Last edited by synestershadows at Aug 4, 2011,
#6
Quote by synestershadows
So how about next time you actually CRIT the song instead of talking shit? Sound good?

Lol u mad? Just trollin' around, chill out Yeah, I might crit this sometime in the future, eh.
Quote by slapsymcdougal
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#7
updated it.
Attachments:
drummers suck.gp5
Call me Andrew!

Check Out My Band
Here

Quote by DimebagLivesOn
Well you're wrong and stupid and I don't like you.


Quote by nashawa
You know who's a good troll? Me. Because I'm secretly in love with Pandy.
Last edited by synestershadows at Aug 4, 2011,
#8
Quote by synestershadows
updated it.

Gonna try to give a non-biased review, since I can't stand metalcore, and specially overused breakdowns.
Starts off with a melodic riff, quite nice actually. The intro seems to drag on for too long, though. The first riff is pretty nice for melodic metalcore, and then it comes a clean break. Kind of soon IMO, and it seems to break the song a bit. Then it comes a lead with some octaves and ring outs, flows nice into another melodic riff, with the same melodic lead over it, still nice. Riff at 100 is another nice riff, then a transition into the first riff. Sounds nice. Now I was going to comment about the absence of breakdowns and how much I enjoyed that, when a breakdown appears. At least it's not a lame tritone one, and it's relatively melodic, then the cymbals break into half tempo, as every other breakdown, and it ends. Kind of tame IMO, to start the song with such nice riffing, and then ending it with a breakdown that has no correlation whatsoever with the song, but at least it flowed right. Care for C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1467762
Quote by slapsymcdougal
I'm cockblocked regularly by my appearance and personality.
#9
Intro is nice, bit long but it does it's job. That big melodic riff is fantastic, something about that first octave slide at the start of it just makes it sound so damn good.
Apart from that riff I have to say I thought the clean sections were boring and the breakdown was so unnecessary, it didn't make sense to put a breakdown there.
In my humble opinion the song doesn't do that exceptional riff justice.
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#10
Thanks for the input guys. Just to clarify, the song isn't over with that breakdown. I'm still going to add more after that. If you listen to bands like Misery Signals, you'll see that they combine the really melodic and heavy sides of metalcore really well. That's what I'm trying to accomplish with this song. The breakdown will sound more in place once I'm done...hopefully.
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#11
Crit as I listen:

Intro drags, but it still builds up enough to make it interesting.

The verse (I guess) after the intro got some pretty standard riffage. It's good and all, although if you want to stand out and be unique (a very difficult thing to be in metalcore), then I'd suggest a clever vocal delivery here. How they're going to be delivered is up to you of course

The calm bridge sounds like expected, and the build up is also quite generic - doesn't hinder the melodies from being good, but I've heard it a thousand times before.

The riff after this is nice, no doubt, and segues well with the verse riff that follows.

Breakdown was standard breakdown fair - try to spice it up a little. Maybe add some lead over the chugging rhythms - a possible direction from there? After the breakdown, I suggest you try to resolve the song, although some melodic (albeit heavy) bridge would be nice.

Would you mind listening to one of my songs? I've posted an album consisting out of ten songs, would love if you could crit one or two of them.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1467949
#12
update!
Attachments:
drummers suck.gp5
Call me Andrew!

Check Out My Band
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Quote by DimebagLivesOn
Well you're wrong and stupid and I don't like you.


Quote by nashawa
You know who's a good troll? Me. Because I'm secretly in love with Pandy.
#13
I'm critting the updated version.

The intro is nice, very ambient, and that first full chord just sounds absolutely HUGE. I love it. I'm loving the riff that comes in at 38, excellent chording. A small complaint, and probably just a personal thing, I REALLY wanted that octave bit in the third guitar to keep ascending. The clean break is nice, too, although, I think it comes in a bit early. The build up to the melodic bit was great.

I'll have to take your word for it on that breakdown fitting in better with the next update, 'cause that does sound pretty out of place. Even if it does fit in better with more behind it, I'm not too fond of the pentatonic use here.

Other than those minor qualms, this is really good. Good job.
C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1468576

EDIT: Just listened to the second update which you posted while I was writing my crit, apparently. XD Breakdown's still not doing it for me. But, y'know, it's not a dealbreaker. The rest of the song is still great.
Last edited by guitar_jew at Aug 16, 2011,
#14
The intro seems to go to long as is instrumentally, dunno if there'll be more production effects or vocals or anything. I do like it though for however long, before I'm like GOD STOP THE TENSION.

Measure 38 stuff, which sounds like a chorus mostly imo, is awesome. I love the chords and all. It's like a post-hardcore Scale The Summit section. So pretty.

The clean section is kinda weirdly done in the guitar pro, though I imagine it working great recorded. Love the whole buildup, again a very full epic sound. Continues to bring a Scale The Summit image, yet sounds nothing like them besides the intervals/chord choices and all, which gives it that epic/adventurous feel that I love.

The breakdown is such a letdown. It fits none of the rest of the song and completely breaks the whole malaise the rest of the song puts you in. And not in that good HOLY CRAP MOOD CHANGER kinda thing way. I'd love to hear the breakdown somehow still there, but not in a br00tal/dissonant sort of way like a cliche breakdown. One that fits the rest of the song and is an adventure/upbeat sorta breakdown, haha.

The outro bit after isn't bad. Vocals could definitely make it great. It feels a bit short though.

My overall opinion here is a few things, there's not enough variation from some bits, and the song feel very short, given it ends there. Also, I really dislike the feel of the breakdown. Nonetheless, I overall love the sound of it, it feels so 'hopeful.'


Also, C4C please? :3 https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1468667
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#15
I'm critting the updated version from post 12! The intro was kind of long and drawn out, but it flows real well into the next riff. The next riff uses some great chords, very melodic, but then gets slow again. This piece almost feels like an instrumental to me, or maybe an outro or something. Really liked the breakdown too Good job!
#16
Update the original post instead of posting, I usually wouldn't read the entire thread like I did today.

Very akin to Misery Signals, overall I enjoyed it but it needs some work.

The intro was fitting and that wide post-hardcore riff was very well executed and beautiful sounding. I don't know if it would fit with vocals OVERLY well though, almost seems as more of a instrumental theme/refrain than a chorus.

The transition into 58 is sloppy in my opinion. I'd put more effort into make that flow.. it cuts out and it really doesn't sit well the atmosphere you had prior. Thicken the sound somehow or use another technique to make it appropriate.

The build up to and bar 90 itself are sound. Nice.

98 and the transition into the main theme again... I'm not really fond of it. Maybe it's just me though. I feel you could probably make something else work better.

Ew. Come on, that was forced. You know it too. Not impressed haha. Sounds good on it's own, very good breakdown, but there was no reason for it to be there. Only reason it gets to me is because so far the song has been very expansive with plenty of voicings working together beautifully.. but this, out of nowhere, took it to bare bones and monotony.

Riff after that was cool. Song fell too short, needs more for sure.

Kudos though, work on it. So awesome at times.
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#17
Quote by AngrySockMonkey
Update the original post instead of posting, I usually wouldn't read the entire thread like I did today.

Very akin to Misery Signals, overall I enjoyed it but it needs some work.

The intro was fitting and that wide post-hardcore riff was very well executed and beautiful sounding. I don't know if it would fit with vocals OVERLY well though, almost seems as more of a instrumental theme/refrain than a chorus.

The transition into 58 is sloppy in my opinion. I'd put more effort into make that flow.. it cuts out and it really doesn't sit well the atmosphere you had prior. Thicken the sound somehow or use another technique to make it appropriate.

The build up to and bar 90 itself are sound. Nice.

98 and the transition into the main theme again... I'm not really fond of it. Maybe it's just me though. I feel you could probably make something else work better.

Ew. Come on, that was forced. You know it too. Not impressed haha. Sounds good on it's own, very good breakdown, but there was no reason for it to be there. Only reason it gets to me is because so far the song has been very expansive with plenty of voicings working together beautifully.. but this, out of nowhere, took it to bare bones and monotony.

Riff after that was cool. Song fell too short, needs more for sure.

Kudos though, work on it. So awesome at times.

The transition at 58 works out better when I fade the distorted guitars out. I recorded it like that but didn't tab it because it would take another two tracks to write that in.
Call me Andrew!

Check Out My Band
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Quote by DimebagLivesOn
Well you're wrong and stupid and I don't like you.


Quote by nashawa
You know who's a good troll? Me. Because I'm secretly in love with Pandy.
#19
Hey guys, I just finished mixing this. Let me know how it sounds.
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/13361701/song%20idea1.mp3

Unfortunately, I haven't recorded past the breakdown.
Call me Andrew!

Check Out My Band
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Quote by DimebagLivesOn
Well you're wrong and stupid and I don't like you.


Quote by nashawa
You know who's a good troll? Me. Because I'm secretly in love with Pandy.
#20
That was sick man. Honestly, I wouldn't change a thing on the 2nd updated version except for the breakdown. I didn't the song really called for it, but aside from that, it was an out of place open string breakdown. I think you could have gotten a lot more creative and built it around the actual relative minor chord. In my opinion it would hit harder, and given that it's not open string, you can take it a lot more places. It also would feel a bit more in key.

Just my opinion. Still a great song.