#1
Hi guys, I posted this song a few days ago, however I decided to take the comments on board, and rewrite parts of the song - as well as changing the stanza structure and finishing off a verse and adding a chorus. So I think I'm allowed to repost it..

Critique would be great, anything constructive is always dearly appreciated. I'm fairly new to this, so if there's anything you think is lame or should be totally scrapped, let me know

You waste your time spreading paint on your face
So people look upon you, and smile with a little grace
The codes been broken
Your friendship's choking
Trying to cope by drinking and smoking
Hoping tomorrow brings a change of pace.

You've spent your life telling people false truths
Talking what you want, thinking you've got naught to lose.
But now it's over
You wish you'd told her
Trying to cry without your shoulder.
No doubt she's gonna cut you loose.

-Chorus-
Money. Money. It's all you need,
A stubborn princess from star to sea.
Your walls are falling brick by brick,
Like a metronome that's lost it tick.
-End Chorus-

You used to lounge around obscured by your disguise
Welcome to the real world - with nowhere left to hide.
So pick your face
Hold out your plate,
Nobody knows for you what awaits.
Jump off your high horse and take down your shrine.

Chorus x 2



Just incase anyone's confused, the first line of the chorus is about someone else's feelings, not mine :P

Thanks for any input.

Rob.