#1
I actually wrote this song a while ago, but never posted it up. It's a really upbeat, poppy little number. Here're the lyrics.

The Midwest is a Vast Thing to Drive Across

Verse:
You said you'd meet me in Sioux City
On a Tuesday afternoon
In hindsight, when you never showed up
I should have known that I was doomed
You finally called me back the evening
With more apologies than I could count
And you kept me up until daylight listening
To all of the challenges that you could not surmount

Chorus:
When all this wickedness is over
When all my troubles come to pass
I'll damn my heart for all the trouble
And make you pay me back for all the gas

Verse:
Well, I had plans in Omaha one evening
I called you up with an invite to join
And a joke at which you'd later laugh much harder
When told by a mechanic in Des Moines
I feel like I spent a year of summers
Just trying to find my way to where you are
Like that time you made me drive in Kansas City
That incident damn near destroyed my car

(Chorus)

Bridge:
Miranda, today I got your letter, says you want me there in Denver
You've fallen on hard luck
Well there's a mighty blizzard blowing in Vermillion
But it's not South Dakota cold that keeps me stuck

Verse:
Somewhere today in west Nebraska
There's a vulture flying low over the plains
Meanwhile to the east of Rapid City
There's an old man on his porch prayin' for rain
Well, me, I guess I've always been a fool
But that's a pattern that I hope to interrupt
I don't care now what exit you are stuck at
This time I'm not gonna come and pick you up

(Chorus)
#2
Perhaps I should have expressed my willingness to reciprocate any critiques.
Last edited by Devil_Duck at Aug 8, 2011,
#3
Well, I think you do a good job vilifying "Miranda", certainly made the story work for you there. Hell, I wanted to punch her in the face, lol.

The chorus is probably my single favorite part. It sort of sums the whole song up in saying, more or less, "I'm through with this shit, and when I pick up the pieces, I'll learn from this and be better in spite of it, plus, don't you owe me $47?"

Lol, I couldn't help but giggle when I read it (talking about the chorus). The comic relief of that last line is genius, intentional or not. Especially since, up to that point, the tone was serious. I could be reading too far into this, but the feeling I got from it was great. I guess, reading a little deeper, one could say that, for you to make a joke amidst the assumed pain of looking back at this doomed relationship, you've already started healing, as is hinted at in the chorus.

Over all, I liked it. It definitely had a "Cat's In The Cradle" vibe to it, but that could just be me. It's easily relate-able, everyone has had at least on relationship where they felt used and/or ignored. Any plans to put it to music?
Last edited by BigAssSack at Aug 8, 2011,
#4
My thoughts on this piece pretty much echo what BigAssSack said. I really enjoyed reading this, and nothing stuck out as needing to be changed or polished up. I especially liked the chorus. Nice work, man.

If you could give me a few words on my piece "A Hiding Place" I'd appreciate it.
#5
Quote by BigAssSack
Well, I think you do a good job vilifying "Miranda", certainly made the story work for you there. Hell, I wanted to punch her in the face, lol.

The chorus is probably my single favorite part. It sort of sums the whole song up in saying, more or less, "I'm through with this shit, and when I pick up the pieces, I'll learn from this and be better in spite of it, plus, don't you owe me $47?"

Lol, I couldn't help but giggle when I read it (talking about the chorus). The comic relief of that last line is genius, intentional or not. Especially since, up to that point, the tone was serious. I could be reading too far into this, but the feeling I got from it was great. I guess, reading a little deeper, one could say that, for you to make a joke amidst the assumed pain of looking back at this doomed relationship, you've already started healing, as is hinted at in the chorus.

Over all, I liked it. It definitely had a "Cat's In The Cradle" vibe to it, but that could just be me. It's easily relate-able, everyone has had at least on relationship where they felt used and/or ignored. Any plans to put it to music?


I have put it to music. Fairly upbeat music at that. I love lyrical dissonance. And $47 of gas wouldn't even get me to Omaha, much less Kansas city, so I think that (only somewhat fictional) bitch owes me more than that, haha. Either way, thanks guys. Much appreciated.
Last edited by Devil_Duck at Aug 8, 2011,