#1
from the ashes of a rose
where my dreams once grew
so pure and beautiful
but now I’m lost without you

was there something that I could change
to keep your pedals red
the water i gave you was poison
and now the flower’s dead

if i could take it back i would
it was nothing that i’d planned
caustic are my thoughts and actions
this is just the way i am

i would have tried to save you
from ever being close
pushed you far away from me
so you would never be exposed

but my attempts at savior failed
you were sickened by my need
to just be like the others
forever, not meant to be
#2
Quote by lilcurtis
from the ashes of a rose
where my dreams once grew
to be so pure and beautiful
but now I've lost you

The only changes I made in this stanza were due to flow. The last two lines seemed to b a little bogged down in that respect. While there is a very clear rhyme scheme, it doesn't sound forced. My compliments.

was there something that I could change
to keep your pedals red
the water you drank was poison
and now the flower’s dead

Again, the only suggested change is due to flow. I do like the "was there something that I could change to keep your pedals red" part.

if i could take it back i would
it was nothing that i’d planned
caustic are my thoughts and actions
this is just the way i am

This is the weakest stanza in the piece, in my opinion. When taking the next stanza into account it seems to be a little redundant. You might consider revising or omitting this part.

i would have tried to save you
from ever being close
pushed you far away from me
so you would never be exposed

A good stanza. I can relate to having such feelings myself. In my opinion, "pushed you far away from me so you would never be exposed" was the highlight.

but my attempts at savior failed
you were sickened by my need
to be just like the others
forever, not meant to be

Again, only correction was made due to flow. I really like the ending line of "forever, not meant to be." It leaves a tinge of sadness upon reading.



Overall, I enjoyed this piece very much. I can tell it was written with plenty of emotion, which makes it very authentic. Good work!

If you have time, check mine out: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1467817
"Notes are expensive, spend them wisely." - B.B. King
#3
thanks, I really appreciate the feedback. I had the same thoughts about the 3rd verse but I couldn't decide what to do with it haha.