#1
Pretty rough so far, but I think it's one of the best things I've written (and the second, if I may add)

C4C of course, but I'm really inexperienced with lyrics so don't expect much.

__________

I've reached for better
The grass was always greener
Somewhere outside this desert
of hope and despair

Jumping in fields of green
I realize I've slipped from reality
Turning back time
And floating into light

I'm spinning around in circles
And I can't find the edge

Trying to end it
I wanted to reject the air
As my thoughts passed
I was at peace

Failing and desperate
I walked back into my dreams
Dancing in fields of green
In foreign worlds

Conscious and partially sane
I long for the end
or at least a better present
Focused and content

I'm spinning around in circles
and I can't find the edge
Last edited by ali.guitarkid7 at Aug 7, 2011,
#3
Quote by JakePlaysGuitar
I like it but it seems to repeat the same idea alot, maybe replace green with something more vague i.e. emerald every once and a while.

I really wanted to make it only a little repetitive, because the main theme (to me) is the feeling that everything's always the same, but yeah I'm thinking of changing "The grass was always greener" to something like "The grass was always richer" or maybe "Brighter". Not sure though.
#4
Quote by ali.guitarkid7
I really wanted to make it only a little repetitive, because the main theme (to me) is the feeling that everything's always the same, but yeah I'm thinking of changing "The grass was always greener" to something like "The grass was always richer" or maybe "Brighter". Not sure though.

I hear you man, repetition can fit quite well sometimes, it's hard to critique a song because me and you have two different minds, you're probably thinking metal? And me I'm use to blues haha, this is still a great piece though!
#5
Quote by JakePlaysGuitar
I hear you man, repetition can fit quite well sometimes, it's hard to critique a song because me and you have two different minds, you're probably thinking metal? And me I'm use to blues haha, this is still a great piece though!

Thanks! Yeah I was thinking something a bit more prog rock.