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#1
My Grandmother is in the hospital and we're not expecting her to make it through the night. Me, my Brother, and parents have lived with her and took care of her ever since I was born. Needless to say, she's always been in my life. I'm trying to be emotionally strong for my Mom, because she's taking this really hard since it's her Mother. But I keep breaking down really hard in private away from everyone.. I'm one of the guys that's going to be carrying her casket from the funeral home and I've got to keep a grip on my emotions...


I'm just wondering if anyone has went through what I'm going through right now and how you kept a grip on your emotions? I just need some advice... Please, serious post only..
#2
Sometimes all you can do is cry. Let it out.

My family likes to make jokes, so think of the good times and find humor (assuming your family would like humor). Do what you gotta do man.
“Just to sum up: I would do various things very quickly.” - Donald Trump
#3
I have a friend who was raised by his grandmother. When she died, he found solace in his religion.

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inb4 atheist shitstorm


That would be super not cool in this thread.
Last edited by Weaponized at Aug 9, 2011,
#4
Sorry to hear it, man. Like bradulator said, if ya gotta cry ya gotta cry. Keep on keepin' on.
Quote by Weaponized
I have a friend who was raised by his grandmother. When she died, he found solace in his religion.

inb4 atheist shitstorm
#5
sometimes you gotta let it out
i found out my grandpapi died during a job interview...i just had to leave and let it out
i sat at the bus stop for like an hour crying it out

just find a place you feel comforatble and just let it out and try to remember the good times you had and the great life

celebrate her life
#7
Everyone deals with something like this in their own way. Being there for your mother is a great thing, but there is absolutely no shame in being sad about her passing. Let yourself feel what you will for now, and worry about being strong after she is gone, and the funeral is over.


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remember the good times you had and the great life

celebrate her life

Also, ^this
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Last edited by doomded at Aug 9, 2011,
#9
i lost my dad man i know how hard it can be best thing you can do if you are trying to be strong for the rest of ur family, cry in the bathroom splash some water on ur face and bury if for as long as you can. its soo hard no one expects you to not cry or break. i managed to not cry carrying the casket but was a wreck for 3 days afterwards
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#10
Thanks guys.

My Mom is not emotionally strong at all, so that's the reason I'm trying to be strong for her. I never seen my Mom break down like she did at the hospital when they were taking her to the ICU. It sort of scared me in a way at how hard she broke down.. I've been trying to let my emotions out through music, but it just doesn't seem to be working. I took my camera to the hospital to do some photography to try to get my mind off of it and that didn't work.. But I think I'll take the advice that's been given here and find a nice quite spot and let it all out.. I think a really long cry would be good for me..
#11
Quote by JohnnyGenzale
I believe in Nangijala which is a place that's written about in this swedish child's book. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Brothers_Lionheart

It's a place you come to when you've died. Gives me a little peace. To at least believe that.


That sounds like an interesting book. Recommended?
“Just to sum up: I would do various things very quickly.” - Donald Trump
#12
hey man if you really need someone to talk to that has been through it PM me
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#13
Quote by bradulator
That sounds like an interesting book. Recommended?


Very much so. It's basically the back-bone of every Swedish children to have it read aloud from a parent. It's a lovely book.
sometimes I see us in a cymbal splash or in the sound of a car crash
#14
While letting it out will be helpful, don't let it take you over. Letting loose all your emotions, frustrations, and anger can just increase the sorrow you already feel. Have a good cry, but don't let yourself become an emotional mess.
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#15
Quote by JohnnyGenzale
Very much so. It's basically the back-bone of every Swedish children to have it read aloud from a parent. It's a lovely book.


Cool. Doubt i'll be able to find it in my local library, but i'll put it on my list.
“Just to sum up: I would do various things very quickly.” - Donald Trump
#16
My grandmother passed away last year. She raised me from birth, because my mother wasn't in the picture.

It was probably the hardest thing I've ever been through. Basically, I just listened to a lot of music.. I didn't cry, but I'm one of those people who locks their emotions inside and doesn't let it come out. I feel weak if I do.

Anyways, sorry to hear about that... I had to go through an agonizing 15-16 months of watching the person who raised me just wither away.. And then 2-3 months in a hospice (Where you go to die). And I hardly got to see her the last few months.. They don't allow too many visitors. I honestly cannot remember the last time I saw her, which makes me want to rip my heart out it hurts so much. I wish I would have gotten to like hug her or something, but she was weak as someone who was 100 with terminal cancer. She basically couldn't be touched.

Sorry for the sob story. I hope you get through this.

Quote by StewieSwan
While letting it out will be helpful, don't let it take you over. Letting loose all your emotions, frustrations, and anger can just increase the sorrow you already feel. Have a good cry, but don't let yourself become an emotional mess.

This too. I got really angry for awhile. I have a lot of holes in my walls of my room because I just kept punching them. When you have so many emotions like this in you though, keeping yourself contained is damn near impossible. I've broken stuff of my own, punched walls, I didn't know what else to do. And punching things lets that all out. But I have constant reminders all around me, from the patched up hole in my kitchen to the patched up hole in my bathroom.

It helped though. It really did.
Last edited by TheAbsentOne at Aug 9, 2011,
#17
yeah man, the best thing to do is cry. go find a private area, listen to this, and just ball your freaking eyes out. you'll feel better afterward. i promise.
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#18
Quote by bradulator
Cool. Doubt i'll be able to find it in my local library, but i'll put it on my list.


She's one of the more well-known Swedish authors so it might not be impossible to find it though.
sometimes I see us in a cymbal splash or in the sound of a car crash
#19
I went through something similar, except my grandma died at home and I didn't arrive until five minutes after she died.

In this situation I think it's best just to accept that people won't be around forever. It isn't easy, especially if it was a younger person, but it's slightly comforting to know that the elderly have lived a longer life and are probably more ready for death.

I'm bad at this though. I hope she pulls through, and if not, I'm sure she had a good life. Everybody's going to a a wreck at the funeral, so it's not a big deal if you do breakdown. That might be expected.
#20
Quote by Weaponized
I have a friend who was raised by his grandmother. When she died, he found solace in his religion.


That would be super not cool in this thread.



What a weak minded fool! lol religion


Ts dont let your emotions take over, your grandmother will no longer exist, big deal. She has been non-existent for billions of years already. Just sayin'
#21
Quote by Grimnak27
What a weak minded fool! lol religion


Ts dont let your emotions take over, your grandmother will no longer exist, big deal. She has been non-existent for billions of years already. Just sayin'

Hey. **** you.
#22
This is going to sound horribly insensitive(and I really don't mean to be insensitive because I lost my grandfather a few years ago and I was closer to him than my actual father) but the only way to get through it is to just get through it. There is no magic cure for grief, and the world doesn't slow down while you're grieving. Sure you get a couple of days off from work or school or whatever, but after that you're thrown right back in to the swing of things and people expect you to act the same as before you left. The only thing you really can do is to keep on living, stay up to date with your work, immerse yourself in hobbies, spend time with friends and eventually it'll feel a bit better, and then a bit more, and a bit more, and so on. Just allow yourself the opportunity to grieve, but don't slow down at the same time.
Last edited by wizards? at Aug 9, 2011,
#23
It was over a course of a few months. My Grandmother's oldest child died and after that, she just seemed to have went downhill. She really didn't get sick until a few days ago and than started going downhill quickly. We called an ambulance to pick her up and when we got to the hospital, they had to run a tube through her nose and down her throat. They couldn't get her blood pressure up and that's when they transported her to the ICU and told us to call our family and for them to get to the hospital. Ever since that night, I've been breaking down and crying for maybe 5 minutes at a time. Maybe I can get all my emotions out of me by the time the funeral happens.
#24
Sorry to hear that man. I lost both of my grandparents at the back end of last year, and my dad in February. With my grandfather, he'd had prostate cancer for years so I was kind of prepared for it and found it easier to deal with, he was a month off being 90 as well. My grandmother had been ill in the summer but we thought she'd gotten over the worst of it, but the stress of the situation with my grandfather hit her pretty hard and I guess she wasn't as well as we thought she had been. My dad was a complete shock though and nobody saw that one coming.

I bottled up my emotions for a long time for the sake of being strong for people and its not a good route to go down since it made me feel much worse, point being, don't worry about letting your emotions out because you'll feel better for it. As for carrying the casket, I'm sure you'll be fine, its hard no doubts, I was one of the ones who carried my dads and it was really hard.

Just remember the good times you had with her.


Quote by wizards?
This is going to sound horribly insensitive(and I really don't mean to be insensitive because I lost my grandfather a few years ago and I was closer to him than my actual father) but the only way to get through it is to just get through it. There is no magic cure for grief, and the world doesn't slow down while you're grieving. Sure you get a couple of days off from work or school or whatever, but after that you're thrown right back in to the swing of things and people expect you to act the same as before you left. The only thing you really can do is to keep on living, stay up to date with your work, immerse yourself in hobbies, spend time with friends and eventually it'll feel a bit better, and then a bit more, and a bit more, and so on. Just allow yourself the opportunity to grieve, but don't slow down at the same time.


This is sound advice as well.
Last edited by SMH07 at Aug 9, 2011,
#25
Quote by SMH07
Sorry to hear that man. I lost both of my grandparents at the back end of last year, and my dad in February. With my grandfather, he'd had prostate cancer for years so I was kind of prepared for it and found it easier to deal with, he was a month off being 90 as well. My grandmother had been ill in the summer but we thought she'd gotten over the worst of it, but the stress of the situation with my grandfather hit her pretty hard and I guess she wasn't as well as we thought she had been. My dad was a complete shock though and nobody saw that one coming.

I bottled up my emotions for a long time for the sake of being strong for people and its not a good route to go down since it made me feel much worse, point being, don't worry about letting your emotions out because you'll feel better for it. As for carrying the casket, I'm sure you'll be fine, its hard no doubts, I was one of the ones who carried my dads and it was really hard.

Just remember the good times you had with her.



Yeah, it was crazy how fast she went downhill.. That's the hardest thing to deal with right now. We had no warning of her going downhill this fast.. So it's hit us really hard. My Brother is one that bottles his emotions, so he has yet to cry about it.
#27
Quote by Platinum Pro
Yeah, it was crazy how fast she went downhill.. That's the hardest thing to deal with right now. We had no warning of her going downhill this fast.. So it's hit us really hard. My Brother is one that bottles his emotions, so he has yet to cry about it.


Was the same situation with my gran so I know exactly how you feel. She seemed much better after the summer, then some time after my grandfather died she was taken into hospital and was really sick, she had breathing problems and stuff anyway but it looked like she wouldn't get through the night. The next day she was much better, talking to people as she had been before she was ill. Then the day after that they said her kidneys were failing and if nothing changed there wouldn't be anything they could do. Then it was like 2 days after that when she died.

I mean you can never fully prepare yourself for someones death regardless, but when it comes out of nowhere you have the shock to deal with too.
#28
Awww

It's already been said here, but letting your emotion out and crying is something you should do. It's totally normal...I always feel a little better after it. However, the greatest thing you can do now is to just be there for your Mom and your family. Just being there in a time like this is one of the best things a person can do for others.

The hurt from losing someone you love fades in time. You'll still have good memories to look back on

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#29
Quote by Platinum Pro
My Grandmother is in the hospital and we're not expecting her to make it through the night. Me, my Brother, and parents have lived with her and took care of her ever since I was born. Needless to say, she's always been in my life. I'm trying to be emotionally strong for my Mom, because she's taking this really hard since it's her Mother. But I keep breaking down really hard in private away from everyone.. I'm one of the guys that's going to be carrying her casket from the funeral home and I've got to keep a grip on my emotions...


I'm just wondering if anyone has went through what I'm going through right now and how you kept a grip on your emotions? I just need some advice... Please, serious post only..


When my mother died a year and a half ago. I coped with it by heavy drinking. It almost made me a failure and destroy pretty much every social interaction I had. I still haven't stop, but I now keep it secret, and do it more rarely. DON'T DRINK.

I was crying for pretty mush all the funeral long. I won't tell you it'll make you feel better. It feels horrible, but there's nothing you can do about it. Just make sure that the body can still hold the casket, and let your tears fall if they come.

I find that crying alot beforehand is a good way to have no tears left for the moment you don't want to cry. I did this for school.

I didn't read the thread yet, I'll edit my answer if I need to.
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#30
Just jump off a bridge. Then you wont have to worry about ANYTHING!
#31
death is a part of life enjoy the time you did have together and appreciate that shes no longer in pain when deceased
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#32
Quote by Platinum Pro
My Grandmother is in the hospital and we're not expecting her to make it through the night. Me, my Brother, and parents have lived with her and took care of her ever since I was born. Needless to say, she's always been in my life. I'm trying to be emotionally strong for my Mom, because she's taking this really hard since it's her Mother. But I keep breaking down really hard in private away from everyone.. I'm one of the guys that's going to be carrying her casket from the funeral home and I've got to keep a grip on my emotions...


I'm just wondering if anyone has went through what I'm going through right now and how you kept a grip on your emotions? I just need some advice... Please, serious post only..

Firstly, let me offer my deepest sympathy.

I'm speaking from quite a bit of experience here, all my grandparents are dead (infact three of them died in the space of 4 months when I was a teenager) and both of my parents are dead. (my mum actualy died last year)
Sounds disasterous eh? But it's really not, y'see, I'm in my mid 40s, my parents were both really old when they died and this is all just the natural cycle of life taking place, eventualy we all experience the death of loved ones at some time or another.

The last thing you want to be doing is holding it in. The grieving process is important, if it isn't released properly, via crying, stress builds up which can lead to problems later, but there's obviously a time and a place for everything.
Cry when you're alone, cry with your mum or other loved ones when they become emotional, cry at the funeral, even when you're carrying the coffin, there honestly isn't one person alive who will rightfully criticise you for having tears on your face at a time like that, but for god's sake make sure you properly 'cry' at some point.

Y'see, crying is a form of stress relief, it's getting the stress out of your system via crying that allowes you to carry on as normal at school or work or whatever your everyday life contains, especially if you cry with someone else. Don't ask me why because I have no idea, but for some reason shared crying and grieving seems to relieve stress more... efficiently, (for want of a better word) so do yourself and your mum a favour, give her a big hug and have a damn good cry with her, once you've got that out of your system (for now, it's a repeatable exercise) then you can be emotionaly strong for her.

Remember, there's no shame whatsoever in a guy crying, it's simply a way of showing that we really care, so don't be shy about it in front of loved ones.

For the moment, sadness will surround you, there's no escaping it, but it can be managed, you can get on with the rest of your life and interact with everyday people who will think you've gone loonytoons if you suddenly start to break down in front of them for no apparent reason. You have to work through the grieving process, you have to let the stress out occasionaly, like a safety valve on a pressure cooker, but you also have to get on with your life, after all, isn't that what your Grandmother would want you to do?
You'll never forget her, she'll always be in your memories, but I can guarantee that if you allow yourself to grieve properly, then time is a great healer.

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#33
Well, I just went in and paid my final respects to her alone.. I broke down in the room and told her that I love her, I would miss her, and that I was sorry if I've ever said or done anything to upset or hurt her. I was crying when I told her this, but I went into the bathroom after and had a complete break down. I've got to say, I feel a little better after breaking down like that.. But it's still sad..
#34
When my gran died I just pretended that it never happened and ignored it.

Sounds harsh but it worked.
#35
I've never cried easy when it comes to death. For some reason, my mind just deals with it in a different way. I just numb myself, and try to think of the positive. I remember those who pass in the good ways and forget the bad. I find the humor in every situation, including death. It sounds screwed up, but it's just how I cope with that stuff. It's how I lighten the situation, because sometimes laughter is the best medicine.

My condolences to your grandmother, you, and you're family. Stay strong.

My grandfather died a couple years ago, and I never got to see him soon before he died. The last I saw him before that was like 3 or 4 years ago. I wish I had more chances to hang with him but he lived a state away so I never really got the chance. He was supposed to be cremated, but because one of my Uncles didn't believe in cremation (some religion he belongs to doesn't do it), he buried him, instead, which makes me resentful, especially since he buried him all the way across the country near HIM and not the rest of the family... Anyway, I just dealt with it by blocking it out and remembering the man in good light.
Last edited by Norse Thrasher at Aug 9, 2011,
#36
Quote by Grimnak27
What a weak minded fool! lol religion


Ts dont let your emotions take over, your grandmother will no longer exist, big deal. She has been non-existent for billions of years already. Just sayin'

#37
My grandfather died a couple months ago. I wasn't incredibly close with him, but I admired him and we enjoyed talking to each other for hours on end whenever we visited. I don't know how I reacted, I don't remember being horribly upset. He was a good man that lived a long life, he was 77 and had almost always been one of the nicest guys. I loved him yeah but when it's your time then it's time to move along. I'd feel selfish if I had a fit over him dieing, he lived his life and I hope when I die people will let go. He's either in a better place and at peace or he just stopped existing, either way, all his aches and pains have stopped and he's alright now.
#38
I had a similar thing happen to me in the beginning of the summer, I was even in the room when my grandma passed (and like you, I had to help carry the casket). It was pretty difficult. I don't know about yours, but the main thing that got me through was knowing that my grandma was very happy with her life and she knew it was her time. Just know that death is an inevitable part of our existence and the fact that she lived so long and that you have so much love for her is a great accomplishment for her. Don't be emotionless, but just try not to spend too much time focusing on her being gone, because that is hopefully not what she would want.

If you need someone to talk to or anything, don't be afraid to PM me or something. It's only been a few months since I went though almost exactly what you did, I'd be happy to give some more advice

Also, just know that the elderly typically don't view death in the same way that we relatively young people do (that is, fearfully). It sounds like your grandmother has been fighting hard for a long time, and regardless of what you or she believes will (or will not) happen after death, she still probably sees it as a relieving end to her struggles, not in a suicide way but kinda like the end to a long and difficult journey.
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#39
Well, after being taken off life support as she wished, she passed away at 3:08Pm today. I was in the room when she did pass. She went peacefully and didn't suffer. Guys, thanks for being here for me and giving me advice. It's really helped me out by getting me through the day.
#40
Honestly, I haven't the slightest inclination as to how one should cope with grief. My grandmother was a soulless bitch who accused me of causing my parents' divorce...so it was actually somewhat relieving when she died and ceased consuming space in our living room.

Anyhow...hmm...actually...I'm not particularly adept at comforting people either...

I'll just...head to another thread. Yeah.
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