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That post is almost as long as devourke's dick
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33 31%
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Voters: 106.
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An Internet Detective's story

The Beginning
Browsing through the Pit today, I saw this thread;

I found my sister's toy, should I tell her?

Naturally, I was intrigued and clicked it. Upon opening the thread however, I immediately saw the Join Date: Aug 2011 and the link to an external site. I didn't need to click it to know that this was the work of an ADBOT

We've all seen this new generation of Adbots so it wasn't much of a shock to discover that there was a spammer on UG. But this Pit Monkey had seen enough advertising on his beloved forum and decided enough was enough. It was time to get to the bottom of this case, once and for all.

I decided to do a quick google search of the said post which yielded about 14 similar results from different forums. I quickly registered on a few of the sites affected by the ADBOTS and found that they all had the same reaction to them. All with the exception of perhaps Yahoo!Answers. That's right, Yahoo!Answers (Not advertising, don't ban me plz)

The Question in question

The person that asked this question which has been repeated by Spammers has been a member of Yahoo!Answers since August 06 2008. 'Skip' as he is known, has a seemingly legit account with plenty of questions and answers (Even if most of them are about him trying to to have sex with his immediate family). So if the most recent ADBOT directly copied from this guys Yahoo!Answers question, does that mean more have done the same? Have the flurry of advanced ADBOTS of late all taken their attention grabbing thread topics and information from Yahoo!Answers? How have the ADBOTS suddenly gained so much Copy/Paste skills?

The plot thickens.

I decided to search a few more recent ADBOT topics to see if I could find a connection. I decided to start with this thread, as I love a good Bus Molestation. (As I was typing that I realised that Molestation can be broken up into Mole Station. Upon searching google for amusing images of Moles I discovered this. MOLESTATION WEBSITE Trololololol)

I was molested in a bus...

The above thread shows Momentosis in his greatest moment of shame since that time he killed all those Kittens.

I was molested in a bus...

IRISH_PUNK13 getting trolled hard. Hard bro.

A quick Google search indicated that there had been Bus Molestations on several other sites as well. The only difference was that on the other less efficient sites (UG FTW) the ADBOTS commonly replied to people in the threads. In most cases though, they only replied if someone actually said they would buy something, or visit the site. If the user wasn't banned, they would make another advertising thread. Similar usernames were used on multiple sites like fanytong3.

Intriguing shit dawg

The next thread I decided to examine was one I myself had posted in.

METALLICA Big 4 @ Yankee Stadium tix for sale

The thread consists of Morbius666 (Join Date: Aug 2011) offering to sell his tickets online for a Metallica show (Probably, I got bored reading it. Which doesn't bode well for this thread now that I think about it. If you read this, don't quote it, it can be your personal reward for reading it, knowing that anyone that doesn't read the whole thing, won't get to see this, and know that for every one of my commas, I love you. If you did read this then at the end of your post put two fullstops instead of one, just so you can gain recognition in this society most prestigious)

So I threw down a quick Google search for Morbius666's post and immediately felt like a dick because there were no matches. I had jumped to conclusions in the one thread I had accused someone of being an adbot in. I threw down another Google on Morbius666's username and found about 4 different people on the first page. I didn't really care about most of them but one of them (Morbius666's OKCupid Profile) rang a bell. "A 51 year old Male from Murkel, Texas," I pondered to myself, "Why is that familiar?"

"Of course!" I exclaimed triumphantly, for I had remembered where I had seen something similar. The Yahoo!Answers profile from before called 'Skip'! I had seen 52, Male, South Texas on his Yahoo Pulse profile (Skip's Yahoo Pulse Profile) I can't read maps for shit but Murkel looks close enough to the South for me to make an assumption.

So Morbius666(Who probably wasn't a spambot) could possibly = Skip (The Yahoo!Answers Profile from whence one of the spambots thread topics was taken from)

But what does it all mean?

To answer this required more research.

The next thread on my hitlist was one involving children and toys.

Why kids will love this horrible toy?

^IRISH_PUNK13 gets fooled yet again by an ADBOT and apparently I posted in that ADBOT thread as well. Intriguing.

The only other instance of a similar thread occuring was on a Magic the Gathering website, which is pretty gay. I dunno, I've never actually played it, it just seems gay. But I digress, this was the first time that I had seen the Magic the Gathering website which was strange seeing as with the other ADBOTS there had been multiple recurring websites hit by the same threads as UG. This raised the question;

Are there multiple groups in posession of ADBOT 2.0?

Intriguing as it was, it wasn't going to be answered without yet another dissection of yet another thread. Around this time in my research I had been given a bowl of Ice-Cream. The Ice Cream is delicious and there are peaches on the side. There is also Jelly.

The next thread in my firing line was this:

How to tell if an iPhone is an original?

^Surprisingly, IRISH_PUNK13 did not get fooled by this one. I suspect he was offline when this thread was created so he didn't have a chance to be duped by it.

This Google search yielded my biggest crop of bots yet. Almost 250 exact matches to yazi21's post according to Google. This number was lowered to 48 once I reached page 5 of the results because Google has low self esteem and lies about how many results it actually has. On the first page however, lo and behold, a post on the Magic the Gathering website. A quick trawl through the 48 actual results revealed that none of the commonly affected websites from the previous ADBOTS had affected this bunch. The only two links were UG and Magic the Gathering which were the only two sites affected by the last ADBOT.

This only strengthened my belief that there's more than one group involved in these dastardly plots of advertisement.

I was getting sick of this shit so I decided to do one last thread before sharing my discoveries with the UG Community.

My gf wearing too little in front of friend

^im not mental attempts to gangbang the 'adbot' and Dirge Humani snaps yet another 'adbot' so everyone else won't look like a fool. Quality shit Dirge.

This 'adbot' says that his girlfriend is wearing too little clothing and he's getting jealous that his mate is getting a view of his gf's ass. Google search shows an entirely new set of sites this time, so it looks like a 3rd group of advertisers have joined the party, the only difference being that this group seemed to take more care in assimilating themselves into the UG Community, making a total of 9 posts (Which will probably be more than everyone that posts in this thread. Everyone always gets intimidated by my long ass Thread Starters, I'm sure of it)

So fuck it, I'm finished with this shit.

Things we've learned

  • There's more than one group of Advertisers at work
  • They may or may not copy their 'sales pitches' from funny shit they read about incest on the Internet
  • At least some of them are being manned by real humans
  • IRISH_PUNK13 believes everything he reads on the Internet (I don't dislike you, it just made me lol to see you get fooled multiple times)
  • And, the 'adbots' are becoming more deceitful

tl:dr; See above, Adbots are probably humans (possibly Australians or Samoans), and there are multiple groups of adbotting affecting UG (Probably) and devourke does not approve of his Xbox getting RRoD.
Last edited by devourke at Aug 9, 2011,
Haven't seen adbots do anything impressive yet other than crack captcha hashes.

“There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.”
~ Bill Watterson

Is there a point to this thread?
Quote by lambofgod127
btw im in hs and im almost 18 so if u do think she was flirting with me dont say that its wrong im almost a grown man.

༼ ▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿ ༽ WE ARE ROB ༼ ▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿ ༽
I'm impressed, and somewhat worried, with the amount of effort that went into this post..
Quote by captaincrunk
I see. I read the whole thing. Good work, son.

Not very thoroughly, I see..
I don't get it, you've done nothing but waste the time it took me to read that..
I don't really understand what I'm meant to reply to this thread, but I enjoyed reading it..
If music was the food of love I'd be a fat romantic slob.
Quote by devourke

The next thread on my hitlist was one involving children and toys.

Please say I'm not the only one who thought of Wofflez at this point.
It didn't take long to realise
The safest place was not her arms, but her eyes
Where she can't see you
For her gaze, it blisters;
Grey skin to cinders
My conclusion.. IRISH_PUNK13 is in on it..
455 75 34 88


Quote by strait jacket
Do you like being sigged or, like me do you feel strangely violated?
Wow. This is the most effort put in a single OP I've seen on UG. Well done, good sir, well done.
And I actually enjoyed it. Thank you for this.

Also: at Irish_Punk

Gozd in gora poj,
silen ženimo hrup,
uboga gmajna, le vpup, le vkup,
le vkup, le vkup z menoj,
staro pravdo v mrak tulimo,
da se pretulimo skozi to zimo
You want some more seeneyj hate? WELL YOU CAN'T HAVE IT

You're all a bunch of f*cking slaves! - Jim Morrison

UG Awards
1st: Biggest Ego
1st: Most Likely To Become Famous
1st: Most Pretentious User
Sterling effort, devourke..
455 75 34 88


Quote by strait jacket
Do you like being sigged or, like me do you feel strangely violated?
As before this is pointless....

However I would laugh if you get assassinated as you've stumbled across some mad conspiracy theory.

Devourke is the real adbot! He has devised a complex and intriguing story to compile his failed series of advertising attempts into a single thread.

Also Dumbledore dies
Quote by Ian_the_fox
You're not girly enough of a boy for me, and you're not man enough to take the top. So like, sorry bitch but you ain't mine! Sorry.
Maybe the bots are all Kensai. He's sending his minions first..
To be vulnerable is needed most of all, if you intend to truly fall apart.

Quote by due 07
You have no idea how much I don't want to tell stories about my mother's vaginal slime on the internet.

I make music sometimes.
Was it really worth it?

Good work though Detective..


^ This, so much
ᶌῖᶌα ɭα ɌεᶌσɭƲʈιʘϰ
I can't believe I read the whole thing.
It was pretty good, but the ending was a bit uninspiring. You should rewrite it.

Also, your grammar wasn't brilliant. I use this to help with my grammar mistakes.
You should try it too
RIP Gooze

Quote by Gorelord666
Maybe the bots are all Kensai. He's sending his minions first..

Speaking of Kensai.. I haven't seen him on here lately, where is he?
ERROR 0x45: Signature not found
Quote by sfaune92
Speaking of Kensai.. I haven't seen him on here lately, where is he?

He died in a powerboat accident on Sunday, he crashed into a polar bear.
Top work, soldier..

I do find it interesting to see the bots get smarter and smarter though.
I want to read your essays and blogs of the artistic nature!

Art evokes the mystery without which the world would not exist.

- Rene Magritte
Got to 'mole station', lol'd, then stopped. Figured the rest would just be as boring as everything before that.
Check out my punk band!!! Lizard on the Window We found a drummer and are now recording.

White Version FC: 4083 9268 4644
White 2 FC: 5372 8215 3622
3DS FC: 1676 4085 1677
Glad to see you have so much spare time and are willing to do something useful with it, ending tailed off a bit though..
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