#1
I know, emo title, angsty poem, blah blah, but I haven't posted in a while, so heres something not so new :P (It's short, don't worry)

I'm still bleeding
laying here in all of my mistakes
flowing out all over the place
waiting for regret to stitch the wounds
but even with the seams stitched tightly
there will always be a little sign
something to remind me that nothing ever changes
We can't go back
so don't **** with a heart
because broken ones have sharp edges
Music is an art form that celebrates potential. So long as you're looking for it, you'll always find it.
#2
I actually kinda liked this. The first two lines were pretty cliche but everything that followed was solid. I thought the last two lines were pretty clever. (However I would find a substitute for the profanity. I don't really find swearing neccessary there. Maybe "play" or "toy" or "mess" there instead?). Lastly, I think some punctuation would greatly help this piece and it's rhythm. Anyways, nice job, man.


Crit mine please
The Homeless Live in Mansions
#3
Quote by Mr.Pink101


I'm still bleeding
laying here in all of my mistakes
flowing out all over the place Weak line. Not even confronting the cliché start, there's just something so passive about this.
waiting for regret to stitch the woundsA little cliché, but not terrible.
but even with the seams stitched tightlyCover up, your La Dispute is showing.
there will always be a little sign
something to remind me that nothing ever changes
We can't go backThese three lines were nice.
so don't **** with a heartI'm not against cursing in poetry, but this one felt a little petty. There has to be a more eloquent or direct way to state this. It tears away from the honesty that the last line needs to work.
because broken ones have sharp edges


This was decent. You admitted yourself it was a tad cliché, and so it really didn't take away from the piece too much. I pointed out the points where it almost hindered it though.

I just feel it was a little lacking. There was no solid punch or plot build up. Maybe delve deeper into the imagery, before breaking in to the "there will always be a little sign" line. From then on, the piece picks up and is pretty good. Maybe just rework the intro, extend it, play with a few ideas, and this will be good.

I enjoyed it.
#4
Not bad. Like has been said, it's not saying much that's very new. Quite the contrary, a line or two sound like they could have been taken out of anybody's high school poetry notebook. However, there's a touch of something there. I especially like the last line. I'd run with that. Would you be a dear and take a read of my latest, "Don't Waste Your Time on Me"?