#1
All comments and criticism accepted. Please be Honest

Not to be confused with "Goodbye"

Verse: Darlin' what are you expecting of me? Do you want to get out of your life? What do you want from me? Do you want me to say goodbye? Will you just forgive me 'cause I'm sorry I ****ed with your life. It's not your decision to make but I think

Chorus:I'll Say Goodbye! and leave it all behind! So I'll say goodbye and you can start over with your life! So I'll say goodbye....to you

Verse: Darlin' what do you need from me? Do you want me to stay in your life? Whether you love me or not its 'cause of you that I ****ed his wife. Before you make your decision I think

Bridge 1:I'll Say goobye 'cause what you did to me. I'll say goodbye because my decision to make. So I'll say goodbye..i think

Chorus I'll Say Goodbye! And leave it all behind! So I'll Say goodbye and you can start over with your life! So I'll say goodbye...to you

Bridge 2: After all we've said and done, and this stupid war you've won I'll say goodbye. After all you've said has sucked, even after we have ****ed, I'll say goodbye. After this stupid war we made what else will you take before I say goodbye? So I'll

Chorus: Say goodbye! Cause of what you did to me. I'll say goodbye and you can start over with your life! So I'll say goodbye to you! I'll say goodbye 'cause of what you said to me! I'll grab my shit and leave after say goodbye!

Bridge 1 once
Bridge 2 once
Outro:Before you say goodbye! Before I lose this fight! I want you to know that I hate your soul! Before I say goodbye I want you to lie! I wanna hear to hear you say that we were okay! And then I'll say goodbye, and then you'll say goodbye. Then I'll say goodbye. Then I'll say goodbye..Then I'll say..goodbye
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Last edited by WildMiles96 at Aug 11, 2011,
#2
Quote by WildMiles96
If you don't mind, I'm gonna take some liberties and impose line breaks so it is easier for me to read and critique.

Darlin' what are you expecting of me?
Do you want to get out of your life?
What do you want from me?
Do you want me to say goodbye?
Will you just forgive me 'cause I'm sorry I ****ed with your life.
It's not your decision to make but I think
Starts off earnest, and I really like the continuing lead-ins to the chorus.

I'll Say Goodbye! and leave it all behind!
So I'll say goodbye and you can start over with your life!
So I'll say goodbye....to you
The repetition is nothing special right now, but I'd imagine it would have better impact when sung. Decent chorus, nothing spectacular, but nothing terrible as well.

Darlin' what do you need from me?
Do you want me to stay in your life?
Whether you love me or not its 'cause of you that I ****ed his wife. Harsh.
Before you make your decision I think
I'm not sure why you ended both verses by negating her the decision, after your repetitive asking of what she wants, but it's nothing major.

I'll Say goobye 'cause what you did to me.
I'll say goodbye because my decision to make.
So I'll say goodbye..i think
Nothing special about this either, I kinda like the change up and indecision with the last bit.

I'll Say Goodbye! And leave it all behind!
So I'll Say goodbye and you can start over with your life!
So I'll say goodbye...to you
Same.

After all we've said and done,
and this stupid war you've won I'll say goodbye.
After all you've said has sucked,
even after we have ****ed, I'll say goodbye.
After this stupid war we made
what else will you take before I say goodbye? So I'll
In my opinion, take the "goodbyes" out of this stanza. Every stanza save for the two verses are filled to the brim, and it's getting annoying at this point. I'm really not a fan of the "fucked/sucked" rhyme. It's trite and a little juvenile.

Say goodbye! Cause of what you did to me.
I'll say goodbye and you can start over with your life!
So I'll say goodbye to you!
I'll say goodbye 'cause of what you said to me!
I'll grab my shit and leave after I say goodbye!
A little more emotion it seems, but no new ground is tread.

Before you say goodbye!
Before I lose this fight!
I want you to know that I hate your soul!
Before I say goodbye I want you to lie!
I wanna hear to hear you say that we were okay!
And then I'll say goodbye,
and then you'll say goodbye.
Then I'll say goodbye.
Then I'll say goodbye..
Then I'll say..goodbye
This ending was a curveball. It appeared from the opening that you were trying to do the girl some good, and you were being relatively amicable about the situation. When the end hits, you turn catty and it didn't feel right. It's a complete change of tone. Also the repetition at the end would have been A LOT more effective had 65% of the song not already relied on "goodbye" to get the point across. We get it, you're leaving. The nails not getting any deeper in the wood no matter how many times you swing the hammer.


Basically, the repetition really hampered the song. Six of the eight stanzas used it as the crutch, and by the end it was just useless. "Goodbye" lost all of its meaning. As I said, the change of tone wasn't the best to end on, or maybe the delivery of that change could have been better. Towards the middle of the song as well, it seemed more like you were piecing together lines and seeing what worked best rather than anything substantial. I don't know, it wasn't terrible aside from the repetition, I just think it could use a bit of work.