#1
Change

So many things to say
Never enough time
Or wasting away
Waiting for a sign

Never gonna come
‘till I’m nowhere near you
Never gonna change
Until you do

I been burned you know
Always too close to the flame
I’ve sacrificed
Yet I’m always left to blame

Never goes away
This time I’ll force you
Never gonna change
Until I do

(Chorus)
Never gonna change
It always ends the same
In the cold and on my way
I’ll tell you what’s strange
Though I know what I know
And it always ends the same
The insanity aside
Maybe I was never meant to change


So now I’m thumbin’ ‘long
Looking for a ride
Again I lost it all
I’ve learned to take it all in stride

Never gonna come
Not sure I want it to
Never gonna change
Unless I do

So here I am
Another one night stand
I might be an ass
But I own who I am

Never goes away
The hole I put in you
Never gonna change
And I don’t want it to

(Chorus)
I’m never gonna change
It’ll always end the same
Your coming back for more
Always seemed so strange
Though you know what I know
And it always ends the same
The insanity aside
Maybe it’s you who needs to change
#2
Quote by IamOmega

So many things to say
Never enough time
Or wasting away
Waiting for a sign
I'm not a fan of the last two lines, just because I feel like they've been said over and over again.

Never gonna come
‘till I’m nowhere near you
Never gonna change
Until you do
I'm a stickler for grammar, and can't say I'm a fan of the first two lines. I like that the theme is introduced here, though.

I've been burned you know
Always too close to the flame
I’ve sacrificed
Yet I’m always left to blame
This was all fine.

Never goes awayWhat never goes away?
This time I’ll force you
Never gonna change
Until I do
Personally, I'm not enjoying the constant lack of subject. It gets a bit confusing, especially when you start off frequently with the same word.

(Chorus)
Never gonna change
It always ends the same
In the cold and on my way
I’ll tell you what’s strange
Though I know what I know
And it always ends the same
The insanity aside
Maybe I was never meant to change

I felt like the insanity line was just thrown in there to take up space. It doesn't add much to the chorus, or seem to hold much meaning. Especially with you stating that you "know what you know," to have an insanity line is just contradicting. And if it's "supposed" to be that way, it's not a very good use of it.

So now I’m thumbin’ ‘long
Looking for a ride
Again I lost it all
I’ve learned to take it all in stride
This was fine as well.

Never gonna come
Not sure I want it to What?
Never gonna change
Unless I do

So here I am
Another one night stand
I might be an ass
But I own who I am
I kinda liked this stanza, good bit of humor, and a solid last line.

Never goes away
The hole I put in you
Never gonna change
And I don’t want it to
Fine.

(Chorus)
I’m never gonna change
It’ll always end the same
Your coming back for more
Always seemed so strange
Though you know what I know
And it always ends the same
The insanity aside
Maybe it’s you who needs to change

My feelings for this chorus are about the same as the last. Actually, this one's a bit better because it adds something and makes sense with the addition of "Your coming back for more/Always seemed so strange."


There was nothing glaringly bad about this piece, I just didn't like it. It read out really passively, never stood out in any way and was somewhat boring by the end. It was also fairly long, considering the simple message that you got out of the way early enough, but never added or explained anything. You simply reiterated the same message throughout the poem, and it grew tedious by the end. Like I said, it's not a bad piece of writing, but it never did anything to grab the reader's attention.
#3
Good Crit. I love it when some one picks that mutha apart!

Since you did such a good job breaking it down, I will now try and explain where it’s coming from.

The song simply came to me while listening to Buck Cherry’s “I want everything”. The first verse is kind of spoken like in Buck Cherry’s “I want everything”, and the music is sort of the same. The rest of the song is, as you say, generic. You listen to it, identify with it, fit it into your current mood, dilemma, etc. Adaptable to anyone for whatever they think it means to them.

That being said, you did a very solid and professional crit. You identified the weaknesses and called me out on it. Props to you.

Now, what it means to me.

I am describing a relationship where the guy is a right royal bastard but is just who he is. It might be that the rest of the world is screwed in the head and this guy is the voice of sanity, hence no one understands him. Either way he is who he is and he doesn’t apologize for it and others who attempt to change him or try and make him feel like he should apologize simply end up breaking themselves against the rock of his principles.

Not one of my best and barely rates as average, and that’s just my opinion.