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#2
dont crash
Quote by Thrill-house
You like Lamb of God, so you're awesome.


Quote by Dopemgs

P.S: You like Lamb of God, so you're awesome


Quote by PsiGuy60
PS. To Conor:
You like Lamb of God, so you're awesome.
[/desperateattempttogetsigged]
#3
Drink a couple of beers first to calm your nerves.
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
You should be careful what you say. Some asshole will probably sig it.

Quote by Axelfox
Yup, a girl went up to me in my fursuit one time.

Quote by Xiaoxi
I can fap to this. Keep going.
#6
Steer with your face. It'd be so cool you'd get an automatic pass.
The DNA results show that Jeremy Kyle is a nob.


Quote by titsmcgee852
I want to look at your sexual naked body.
#7
Also roll a big fattie with one hand. Will demonstrate your ability to multi task.
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
You should be careful what you say. Some asshole will probably sig it.

Quote by Axelfox
Yup, a girl went up to me in my fursuit one time.

Quote by Xiaoxi
I can fap to this. Keep going.
#8
just use common sense you should get through it. although the forst time i took mine i didnt even get to put the car in drive. dont be discouraged if you fail, just keep on keepin on. also dont blast deathmetal out the speakers or try to play chicken with a semi. just stay calm.
If you do something right, no one will know you've done anything at all

Proud to be called Best Friends with Pastafarian96
#11
Calm conversation with your instructor. It helps with the nerves, and gets them to have a more neutral opinion than you so they'll be more fair.
#12
go over questions about the engine and tires instead of asking questions in the pit
what's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?

a drug dealer can't wash his crack and sell it again
#13
If a guy looks at you at a stoplight, he's looking for a race and you can't let him win over you. Put your foot on the pedal hard as soon as the light turns green... even if on the other side is just a horse carriage.

But in all seriousness, just be calm about it... take it nice and easy. There's no reason to go crazy with the car

...and don't crash in to any satellite dishes.
This will start a RIOT! in me
#14
^if you make eye contact you GOTTA race. its a rule.
If you do something right, no one will know you've done anything at all

Proud to be called Best Friends with Pastafarian96
#16
Here's the secret! DON'T DRIVE AT ALL!

When you begin, make all of the required noises yourself. ie. pretend you're driving.
If your examiner cops on, tell them that you were driving, and now you're finished. You're such a great driver, the examiner didn't even realise what was going on. Instant pass!
#18
@this&that i think one of the terrorists is trying to tell us something....
If you do something right, no one will know you've done anything at all

Proud to be called Best Friends with Pastafarian96
#19
Ask the driving instructor how is his wife. When he replies with "good", you reply with "She was even better last night". He will appreciate your humor and pass you.
Quote by travs2448

How many of you are vegan?
Hopefully none

Does anyone know any fun recipes?
Yeah a big juicy flank steak

What can be done with tofu?
Nothing it taste like crap

Is there such thing as vegan meat? Vegan sausages ect
WTF ARE YOU ON?
#22
Quote by conor-figgy
Here's the secret! DON'T DRIVE AT ALL!

When you begin, make all of the required noises yourself. ie. pretend you're driving.
If your examiner cops on, tell them that you were driving, and now you're finished. You're such a great driver, the examiner didn't even realise what was going on. Instant pass!



Proud owner of an Engl Thunder 50 Reverb and an Ibanez S470

"The end is extremely fucking nigh..."
#23
Plan ahead - what are you going to do at the next lights? Who do you have to look out for?
#25
Do two head checks at every light. You won't do it when you actually start driving, but your instructor will be watching for it.

If the light turns yellow, stop. If it's not safe for you to stop, obviously don't, but if you can visibly see the light turn yellow and you have room, you need to stop. Speeding up to catch a light is an instant fail, even though we all do it in the real world.

When you merge onto the highway, make sure you get up to at least the highway's minimum speed limit on the merge ramp. You'll get points off if you're driving too slowly.
#26
When you first see the car, ask 'what the hell is that?'

Serious answer: If you make a mistake that the controller saw, admit it. If you're going a little fast just say "oops, went a little fast there" or something. Shows you're actually aware of it instead of just being some dumb klutz behind the wheel.
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#27
Quote by Harvey Swick
^if you make eye contact you GOTTA race. its a rule.

Or have a pokemon battle
#28
Do this
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
You should be careful what you say. Some asshole will probably sig it.

Quote by Axelfox
Yup, a girl went up to me in my fursuit one time.

Quote by Xiaoxi
I can fap to this. Keep going.
#29
first, dress appropriately. a World War I era RAF uniform is your best bet, but if you are unable to locate one, a tiger suit (preferably made with an authentic taxidermied Maltese Siberian tiger pelt) is acceptable. make sure you have at least something on your head (this will be important later). whatever you do, do not wear a horned Viking helmet. this would be historically inaccurate, and could therefore offend the instructor on the off chance that they are of Norse decent.

the morning of the test, you want to make sure you are in proper form. load up on as many stimulants as possible. caffeine, theobromine, nicotine, amphetamine, MDMA, cocaine, etc, are all good choices. don't eat or drink anything, or else you'll probably have to stop to pee or poop in the middle of the test, or else have to pee or poop and hold it and make that uncomfortable face the whole time. no alcohol or marijuana before the test. those will just slow you down.

while waiting at the DMV for the tester, be as loud and impatient as possible, as DMV customs dictate. keep in mind that all DMV workers are morons, but are unaware of it. they have the power to call security to come and throw you into the moat with the crocodiles, so do not upset them (too much). everyone else is fair game. do whatever it takes to get to the front of the line. the sooner you get out of there, the sooner you can start the test.

don't suck up to the tester. no one likes a kiss ass. instead, be sure to make off handed remarks about them whenever possible. if for whatever reason you feel possessed to compliment them, backhanded compliments are the only option. if the driving tester is a woman, she is less likely to be a good driver herself, and therefore your driving abilities will look that much better by default. also women testers are more likely to perform fellatio on you during the test.

drive as fast as you can drive without crashing. this shows that you are confident in your abilities to successfully succeed. if you come to a red light, you have two options: wait or run through it. both of these options are WRONG! avoid red lights at all cost. drive as fast as you can to get through that yellow light. again, driving fast shows confidence and not crashing at high speeds shows you've got mad skills. DO NOT race other drivers, even if you make eye contact. you will most likely lose. if you lose, you will look like a weenie. that makes you less likely to pass.

step on the brakes as little as possible. the brakes are for sissies. only break for large animals such as moose (elk), bison (wisent), or bears (bears). hitting one of these animals will likely kill you, and in the off chance that you get away, the animals family will come for revenge. brake for fireman and military veterans, but only because they deserve mad props for being cool guys and because they doesn't afraid of anything. brake for Frogger, because he just wants to get across the damn street already. other than that, use the brakes only as a last resort.

at the end of the test, your tester will most likely try to sex you up. don't refuse, no matter how unattractive they are. turning them down will hurt their feelings, and they already have low self esteem. this will result in them failing you. guaranteed.

if you followed my advice to the letter, than congratulations! you have just earned your driver's license! you will receive it in the mail within the next 4-6 months, or whenever the DMV workers finally manage to get it to you. it should eventually come, so be patient.

if you did not follow my advice, you will likely fail. you dumbass! why didn't you listen!? no matter, there is still hope. go in and wait in line again for 7 hours, at which point you will probably be redirected to a different line. this may happen 10 tens, maybe more. eventually, you will receive the necessary paperwork to request another test. after you spend another 4 or 5 hours filling this out, they will schedule another test in about a year and you can try again. maybe this time you will listen to my advice.
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#31
Quote by theogonia777
first, dress appropriately. a World War I era RAF uniform is your best bet, but if you are unable to locate one, a tiger suit (preferably made with an authentic taxidermied Maltese Siberian tiger pelt) is acceptable. make sure you have at least something on your head (this will be important later). whatever you do, do not wear a horned Viking helmet. this would be historically inaccurate, and could therefore offend the instructor on the off chance that they are of Norse decent.

the morning of the test, you want to make sure you are in proper form. load up on as many stimulants as possible. caffeine, theobromine, nicotine, amphetamine, MDMA, cocaine, etc, are all good choices. don't eat or drink anything, or else you'll probably have to stop to pee or poop in the middle of the test, or else have to pee or poop and hold it and make that uncomfortable face the whole time. no alcohol or marijuana before the test. those will just slow you down.

while waiting at the DMV for the tester, be as loud and impatient as possible, as DMV customs dictate. keep in mind that all DMV workers are morons, but are unaware of it. they have the power to call security to come and throw you into the moat with the crocodiles, so do not upset them (too much). everyone else is fair game. do whatever it takes to get to the front of the line. the sooner you get out of there, the sooner you can start the test.

don't suck up to the tester. no one likes a kiss ass. instead, be sure to make off handed remarks about them whenever possible. if for whatever reason you feel possessed to compliment them, backhanded compliments are the only option. if the driving tester is a woman, she is less likely to be a good driver herself, and therefore your driving abilities will look that much better by default. also women testers are more likely to perform fellatio on you during the test.

drive as fast as you can drive without crashing. this shows that you are confident in your abilities to successfully succeed. if you come to a red light, you have two options: wait or run through it. both of these options are WRONG! avoid red lights at all cost. drive as fast as you can to get through that yellow light. again, driving fast shows confidence and not crashing at high speeds shows you've got mad skills. DO NOT race other drivers, even if you make eye contact. you will most likely lose. if you lose, you will look like a weenie. that makes you less likely to pass.

step on the brakes as little as possible. the brakes are for sissies. only break for large animals such as moose (elk), bison (wisent), or bears (bears). hitting one of these animals will likely kill you, and in the off chance that you get away, the animals family will come for revenge. brake for fireman and military veterans, but only because they deserve mad props for being cool guys and because they doesn't afraid of anything. brake for Frogger, because he just wants to get across the damn street already. other than that, use the brakes only as a last resort.

at the end of the test, your tester will most likely try to sex you up. don't refuse, no matter how unattractive they are. turning them down will hurt their feelings, and they already have low self esteem. this will result in them failing you. guaranteed.

if you followed my advice to the letter, than congratulations! you have just earned your driver's license! you will receive it in the mail within the next 4-6 months, or whenever the DMV workers finally manage to get it to you. it should eventually come, so be patient.

if you did not follow my advice, you will likely fail. you dumbass! why didn't you listen!? no matter, there is still hope. go in and wait in line again for 7 hours, at which point you will probably be redirected to a different line. this may happen 10 tens, maybe more. eventually, you will receive the necessary paperwork to request another test. after you spend another 4 or 5 hours filling this out, they will schedule another test in about a year and you can try again. maybe this time you will listen to my advice.

What is this? I don't even know what all this is.
Because I didn't read it

The best advice for a driving test is floor it
They made me do push ups in drag

I'm gonna have a really hard time if we're both cannibals and racists.

Don't dress as a whore, he'll thump you.

I'm a firework, primed to go off
#33
don't be afraid to ask the tester to repeat directions.

Do full stops at stop signs, not half ass stops

CHECK THOSE BLIND SPOTS

Also don't get caught up on any mistakes you might do. What ever happens happens. Just don't do any big ones that will make you fail

I got my license on my third (!) try... so I hope you don't make the same mistakes I did... christ
#34
Treat it like Mario Cart. You can get some pretty damn cool achievements for finishing in record times...

1:00 - Red Light Means Go

0:45 - Breaks? We Don't Need No Stinking Brakes!

0:30 - I Should Fail Your Ass


And then one for taking forever...


7:35 - I'mma Let You Finish, But...
#35
Crash. Bitches love crashes. And by bitches, I mean driving instructors.
YELLOWFRIZBEE s FreezerBurn


Stepco's Master
|Colowomble 2016|PSN=yellowfrizbee| + UG Community Radio|
#36
TS isn't back yet. He must still be in line waiting.
To be vulnerable is needed most of all, if you intend to truly fall apart.


Quote by due 07
You have no idea how much I don't want to tell stories about my mother's vaginal slime on the internet.


I make music sometimes.
#37
Quote by theogonia777
first, dress appropriately. a World War I era RAF uniform is your best bet, but if you are unable to locate one, a tiger suit (preferably made with an authentic taxidermied Maltese Siberian tiger pelt) is acceptable. make sure you have at least something on your head (this will be important later). whatever you do, do not wear a horned Viking helmet. this would be historically inaccurate, and could therefore offend the instructor on the off chance that they are of Norse decent.

the morning of the test, you want to make sure you are in proper form. load up on as many stimulants as possible. caffeine, theobromine, nicotine, amphetamine, MDMA, cocaine, etc, are all good choices. don't eat or drink anything, or else you'll probably have to stop to pee or poop in the middle of the test, or else have to pee or poop and hold it and make that uncomfortable face the whole time. no alcohol or marijuana before the test. those will just slow you down.

while waiting at the DMV for the tester, be as loud and impatient as possible, as DMV customs dictate. keep in mind that all DMV workers are morons, but are unaware of it. they have the power to call security to come and throw you into the moat with the crocodiles, so do not upset them (too much). everyone else is fair game. do whatever it takes to get to the front of the line. the sooner you get out of there, the sooner you can start the test.

don't suck up to the tester. no one likes a kiss ass. instead, be sure to make off handed remarks about them whenever possible. if for whatever reason you feel possessed to compliment them, backhanded compliments are the only option. if the driving tester is a woman, she is less likely to be a good driver herself, and therefore your driving abilities will look that much better by default. also women testers are more likely to perform fellatio on you during the test.

drive as fast as you can drive without crashing. this shows that you are confident in your abilities to successfully succeed. if you come to a red light, you have two options: wait or run through it. both of these options are WRONG! avoid red lights at all cost. drive as fast as you can to get through that yellow light. again, driving fast shows confidence and not crashing at high speeds shows you've got mad skills. DO NOT race other drivers, even if you make eye contact. you will most likely lose. if you lose, you will look like a weenie. that makes you less likely to pass.

step on the brakes as little as possible. the brakes are for sissies. only break for large animals such as moose (elk), bison (wisent), or bears (bears). hitting one of these animals will likely kill you, and in the off chance that you get away, the animals family will come for revenge. brake for fireman and military veterans, but only because they deserve mad props for being cool guys and because they doesn't afraid of anything. brake for Frogger, because he just wants to get across the damn street already. other than that, use the brakes only as a last resort.

at the end of the test, your tester will most likely try to sex you up. don't refuse, no matter how unattractive they are. turning them down will hurt their feelings, and they already have low self esteem. this will result in them failing you. guaranteed.

if you followed my advice to the letter, than congratulations! you have just earned your driver's license! you will receive it in the mail within the next 4-6 months, or whenever the DMV workers finally manage to get it to you. it should eventually come, so be patient.

if you did not follow my advice, you will likely fail. you dumbass! why didn't you listen!? no matter, there is still hope. go in and wait in line again for 7 hours, at which point you will probably be redirected to a different line. this may happen 10 tens, maybe more. eventually, you will receive the necessary paperwork to request another test. after you spend another 4 or 5 hours filling this out, they will schedule another test in about a year and you can try again. maybe this time you will listen to my advice.


/thread

This is all you'll ever need to know, TS.
#38
i failed.... lmao i failed 3 point turn and parallel parking. thats what you get for never learning to park backwards and only parallel park once and i didnt know i had to parallel park to the right. lmfao
#39
Quote by googleisevil
i failed.... lmao i failed 3 point turn and parallel parking. thats what you get for never learning to park backwards and only parallel park once and i didnt know i had to parallel park to the right. lmfao



You hit the curb, didn't you?
#40
Aww. Better luck next time Google. Go out and practice over the weekend. Remember to drink heavily first though.
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
You should be careful what you say. Some asshole will probably sig it.

Quote by Axelfox
Yup, a girl went up to me in my fursuit one time.

Quote by Xiaoxi
I can fap to this. Keep going.
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