#1
"Meaning Projection In Your Local Publication Sources..."

Orbiting around Earth at such high speeds
(17,034mph to be precise)
really gives you an odd perspective of where you
come from.

Remember those illusions they used to print on
comic books? The ones that looked like
a garbled mess of pixels and smudged
ashes or coffee spills but they were colored red
and blue and whatever color else the print papers
had on the spool that day. You'd struggle to focus on the image,
but it wasn't until you relaxed and drew in the bigger
picture that the actual image really came to you?
Well, it's not really like that, but it would
have been one kick-ass metaphor.

Rather, it's like when you looked at that
blurred puzzle, then turned to the
next page in the newspaper to see news about
the latest candidate's press stop or that nasty
train wreck in the next county over. Then
after that there's a small community section
that talks about the sidewalk's they're putting
in around your neighborhood and ads to help
support the little league tournament happening
at the park down the street on Sunday, and all
the other little things that affect you far more than
anything else on the front of the newspaper would...

What I'm saying is that Earth is like the
4th or 5th page of a newspaper.
No one reads it.

And when I say no one reads it
I'm really saying that
I think you should.

Oh, and Earth is a metaphor
for something important.
A metaphor for what?
I dunno,
It's a poem,
You figure it out.
OBEY THE MIGHTY SHITKICKER
#2
The astronaut view from you has always felt forced. Honestly, I admire that it's something you try to do. I think it's a cool concept, but I've yet to see it pulled off at its finest, or to make me believe in the metaphor or the author that whoever's speaking really is an astronaut.

In sections in this piece, it felt particularly contrived, especially getting to the "Earth's a metaphor" stanza. It's needlessly added in there, and ruins any empathy the reader might have. Removing it would improve the ending.

As for the bulk of the writing, it's decent, but I've seen better examples from you.
#3
Quote by blake1221
The astronaut view from you has always felt forced. Honestly, I admire that it's something you try to do. I think it's a cool concept, but I've yet to see it pulled off at its finest, or to make me believe in the metaphor or the author that whoever's speaking really is an astronaut.

In sections in this piece, it felt particularly contrived, especially getting to the "Earth's a metaphor" stanza. It's needlessly added in there, and ruins any empathy the reader might have. Removing it would improve the ending.

As for the bulk of the writing, it's decent, but I've seen better examples from you.


Mostly this. I didn't really like the first or last stanzas. The middle sections didn't seem as forced as the first and last ones.
#4
I agree with blake1221 and D&DLover. I actually really liked the fourth and fifth stanzas, but the last stanza felt very pretentious and completely ruined the ending for me.