#1
im on the run and i dont know why
im being chased by the fbi
come on get into the car lets ride
im getting chased by the fbi
hearts racing feel like im gonna die
im being chased by the fbi


men in black
i wont take the flak
for someone else's mistake [bit of a breakdown]
you dont even know
who i am
or why you after me
just leave me alone


im on the run
from a man with a gun
in a black suit
who's been trained to shoot
me right in the head
and i don't want to be dead
#2
For some reason I read this as if I was singing "Fly like an eagle" but it was the middle school version where it's like "I got shot by the fbi"
#3
Quote by Permaphrost
For some reason I read this as if I was singing "Fly like an eagle" but it was the middle school version where it's like "I got shot by the fbi"


lol same^

All I wanted was a chicken wing
#4
I agree with the above posters. It's not terrible, but it comes off as amateurish and juvenile.

If I could give you one piece of advice, it would be the classic: "Don't tell me. Show me." These lyrics are very straightforward and simple, while offering nothing to give the reader (or listener) a clear mental image; don't tell me that the FBI is chasing you, show me.

Make me see it, hear it, feel it, believe it. Why is the FBI chasing you? Are you afraid? Angry? These are the kinds of things you should be answering in your lyrics. Give the audience a clear idea of what's going on, rather than just telling them "I'm being chased by the FBI, they have guns, and I don't want to die" because that's really all that the song is saying.

Keep writing, mate.
#5
I agree with wintersky, why is the fbi chasing you? Also the repeated long "i" rhyme in the first stanza gets a bit annoying. (Maybe it works well when sung). Overall, nice orginal concept, just needs better execution.
#6
I'll be honest, when I read the first stanza I thought it was supposed to be a humorous song. Then when I go into the rest I realized it's mean to be serious. I agree with the two above posters, it's a good skeleton of a potentially good story to be told. Show emotions, you can leave us guessing, but we don't want to end up completely confused or dissatisfied in the end, we want to know what's happening, why, and how you feel about it. Put some more emotion and backstory into it and I'll think you'll do just fine.

And don't get discouraged in writing, if you keep doing it with all you've got you'll get better.
#7
Really this is quite great.
Not sure if it was an intended metaphore but i really felt like this song was about paranoia and being scared of something that doesn't exist. It had a very 90 alternative feel, similiar to bands like Pavement or Cake, i could really imagine this as one of those bands lyrics.

I really liked it, i even got an idea for music playing in my head over this.
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