#1
If someone asked me to write a poem about you I'd have to use analogies *because physical descriptions aren't vey poetic (or romantic)*
So I'd say that you were like the little bear in the forest who eats the big bowl of *porage or the dolphin that gets caught in a tuna net and shows up on my tuna can label telling me no dolphins were harmed in the making of this tuna. Like I should care about the one dolphin that survived the killing of my tuna. Then id say your the bird in the flock that is out of formation.*

But all of these comparisons make you seem like your lost and confused but I like to think you are exactly where you want to be.
ED REED BABY
#2
I don't understand why no one else has commented/critted for you, because in my opinion, this is really good... I love the whole unidentified "you" in poems/prose/whatever this is supposed to be. And analogies are my fav. This is the type of thing i fantasize someone writing about me, although i know that will almost never happen. :P I love UG because of things like these, that make you feel... something. I don't think any of that made any sense whatsoever... I'm sorry, it's late and my thoughts are obviously disjointed. But i like it. Lots.
#3
Thanks that means alot. I wrote this for someone and I was really drunk when i did but I plan to edit it a little bit.
ED REED BABY
#4
Quote by TerpsRHCP
If someone asked me to write a poem about you I'd have to use analogies *because physical descriptions aren't vey poetic (or romantic)*
So I'd say that you were like the little bear in the forest who eats the big bowl of *porage or the dolphin that gets caught in a tuna net and shows up on my tuna can label telling me no dolphins were harmed in the making of this tuna. Like I should care about the one dolphin that survived the killing of my tuna. Then id say your the bird in the flock that is out of formation.*

This needs a lot of punctuation; right now, it's a bit hard to read. 'Porage' should be 'porridge'. I'd also suggest some line breaks; paragraph format doesn't do justice to a piece like this.

As for content, it starts off pretty well. The analogies you used are charmingly weird, though the bird analogy seems squeezed in as an afterthought because you didn't have any transition; I would remove it or find a way to transition from the dolphin bit to the bird analogy.


But all of these comparisons make you seem like your lost and confused but I like to think you are exactly where you want to be.

I would drop the 'but' at the beginning of this sentence. Other than that, I like the sentiment here, though I would suggest expanding upon it a little.


This isn't bad, but it could definitely use some line breaks, more punctuation, and some overall polishing. I'd like to see this after you've cleaned it up a bit.

If you could give a few words on my latest piece, Laudator Temporis Acti, I'd appreciate it. There's a link in my sig.