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#1
We all know about pick up lines, which can be pretty witty and funny. What I haven't seen a lot of is break up lines. Whatcha got?

"Is it hot in here, or are you just suffocating me in this relationship?" - Demitri Martin.

"Hey baby, are you being followed? Because I've been seeing people behind your back." - Demitri Martin.
#2
"Baby, you're just not that hot anymore."

edit: "Baby, if you were an angel, that means you're dead already and I can finally see other people."
Last edited by Dudeinator at Aug 19, 2011,
#5
"Has your ass gotten bigger or am I just standing closer to it than usual?"
Quote by jakesmellspoo
ooh look at me i'm ERIKLENSHERR and i work at fancy pants desk jobs and wear ties and ply barely legal girls with weed and booze i'm such a classy motherfucker.
#6
"Baby, I don't know how you do it, but you broke my bathroom scale. Get it fixed."

edit: "Baby, you give way better head than your sister."
Last edited by Dudeinator at Aug 19, 2011,
#10
Quote by captaincrunk
It's not you, it's me. I'm the one who isn't attracted to you anymore, I'm the one who slept with your sister. It's all me, don't feel bad. Why are you crying?

Similar:

It's not you, it's me. I just think I could do better.
#12
"Baby, if you and I were alone in a room right now, I'd probably kill myself."
#13
Quote by Zeletros
Somehow I don't find this funny

In that case, you could use "You're boring, get the fuck out of my apartment." It works like a charm.
#14
"Hey. Let's break up."

while making this face: :|


Quote by Dudeinator
"Baby, you're just not that hot anymore."

edit: "Baby, if you were an angel, that means you're dead already and I can finally see other people."


Well if she were an angel, she wouldn't have a vagina...
~don't finkdinkle when ur supposed to be dimpdickin~
#16
Its not you, its me...I dont like ugly people.
Listens to Jazz

Quote by Local666Union
each time I piss in the dark I'm afraid that some wierd plant is going to eat my dick



#17
Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?

Are you doing push-ups with your knees down? Cos I'm pretty sure it's not working out.

pretentious small text, right justified signature
UG's professional coffee nerd
also UG's musical theatre nerd
roscoe's wetsuit
#19
Quote by ozzyismetal
Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?

Are you doing push-ups with your knees down? Cos I'm pretty sure it's not working out.

More Demitri Martin? Still funny I guess.
#20
I uctually used this one so it works:

''Do not stand closer to me then 5 metres or else we could get double killed''
THE SOLE PURPOSE OF THIS SIG IS TO GRAB YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS POST OF UTTER GENIUS
#21
i'm gunna seem like a massive bitch right now, BUT, i once dumped a guy like this,

walk up to them whilst their in a group of friends, and ask 'Hands up who's in a relationship' then point to the guy and say, 'You can put your hand down' and walk off.

:P
#22
Quote by GoldenRose94
i'm gunna seem like a massive bitch right now, BUT, i once dumped a guy like this,

walk up to them whilst their in a group of friends, and ask 'Hands up who's in a relationship' then point to the guy and say, 'You can put your hand down' and walk off.

:P





Omg you asshole


edit: And I don't mean that playfully.
Last edited by SeveralSpecies at Aug 19, 2011,
#23
Quote by GoldenRose94
i'm gunna seem like a massive bitch right now, BUT, i once dumped a guy like this,

walk up to them whilst their in a group of friends, and ask 'Hands up who's in a relationship' then point to the guy and say, 'You can put your hand down' and walk off.

:P

I would have gone with retard, but "massive bitch" works too.

And don't say "he was a dumbass anyway" because you were dating him.
#24
Quote by SeveralSpecies


Omg you asshole


edit: And I don't mean that playfully.


hahaha. yes. thankyou. i do my best.
#25
Male: "Baby, do you find a beached whale attractive?"

Female: "What? No."

Male: "So you understand. I must leave you."
#26
"Honey, you know old lady Corkin across the hall?"
"Yeah."
"Yeah."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
"oh."
"Yeah."
Quote by Pagan_Poetry
Sadly this is Ultimate-guitar, not Simple-guitar. We can't help you.


#27
Having sex is like fapping but warmer...

If I tilt my head like this your left boob looks bigger and if I tilt my head like this...uh...your left boob still looks bigger.
THE SOLE PURPOSE OF THIS SIG IS TO GRAB YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS POST OF UTTER GENIUS
Last edited by Grimriffer at Aug 19, 2011,
#29
Quote by GoldenRose94
i'm gunna seem like a massive bitch right now, BUT, i once dumped a guy like this,

walk up to them whilst their in a group of friends, and ask 'Hands up who's in a relationship' then point to the guy and say, 'You can put your hand down' and walk off.

:P



.... Wow.... Talk about being a ****


I did say this once for a joke that turned horribly wrong.

"So you're not gonna make me a sandwich? Then what the **** are you good for?"

.... She was not impressed...
Neo Evil11
Quote by jambi_mantra
They let black people on Fox now?

They also let white people into the KFC and the NBA now.
#30
Girlfriends are for closet homos and pillow humpers. We're just ****buddies.

I want to marry a girl who resembles my mommy.

Come on. My cousin loves it this way.
THE SOLE PURPOSE OF THIS SIG IS TO GRAB YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS POST OF UTTER GENIUS
Last edited by Grimriffer at Aug 19, 2011,
#31
Grimriffer.... Grimiffer... Now i'm just misreading it....
Neo Evil11
Quote by jambi_mantra
They let black people on Fox now?

They also let white people into the KFC and the NBA now.
#32
Quote by captaincrunk
"Having sex with you is like cuddling, only damper."




My version:
"Having sex with you is like masturbating. Only I don't feel the need to wash my **** off with drano and bleach after masturbating".

Or:

"Your brother gives better head".
Last edited by CodeMonk at Aug 19, 2011,
#33
...speaking of which, yesterday I finally got my **** into my mouth and I found out I give the best head.
THE SOLE PURPOSE OF THIS SIG IS TO GRAB YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS POST OF UTTER GENIUS
#34
Quote by Grimriffer
...speaking of which, yesterday I finally got my **** into my mouth and I found out I give the best head.


Quote by Ian_the_fox
You're not girly enough of a boy for me, and you're not man enough to take the top. So like, sorry bitch but you ain't mine! Sorry.
#36
'It's not you, it's m-' then laugh uncontrollably until she leaves.
455 75 34 88


(´・ω・`)


Quote by strait jacket
Do you like being sigged or, like me do you feel strangely violated?
#37
“You mean more to me than life itself – but I’m suicidal.”

“This just isn’t for me. Nothing personal. I want to be able to tell people I’m single.”
Neo Evil11
Quote by jambi_mantra
They let black people on Fox now?

They also let white people into the KFC and the NBA now.
#38
Demitri Martin is just awful.
O.K.

“There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.”
~ Bill Watterson


O__o
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