#1
lake champlain in the summer,
unitarian churchbells;

amtrak wheels and jessie’s warm body,
gena and her accordion kicking
up dust in the attic air ducts,
brent broke his foot on the rocks
so sarah’s lighting the fuego
for the grav bong pressed to his lips;

and jessie’s warm body
drinks lemonade until her laugh conjures
its own silhouette on the kitchen tile,
where ross likes to cook and
mike fried pours bowls of knock off cereal;

and theres shadow puppets and lesbians
and decatur decanter distilled in barrels,
chronic knocking at 3am and jessie’s warm body
sings out
across the border to montreal,
then back
to that other place putting down
long trail by the pint at 4pm;

there was a death of minikiss member in the comfort inn where emma worked,
and there was a fire escape on the uvm campus,
where the sunset resonated the same vibrational pattern as love;
and jessie’s warm body
rose to meet me in her sleep,
and she left for a week while i napped curled up in her bed
and when she returned she brought old friends
and we talked in a screened-in porch
until the leaves fell
#2
I don't like "theres," but I do like that the only apostrophe you use is in "Jessie's warm body," so that's good.
Nothing to see here. Move along.
#3
Oh, and, you know. Lovely stuff; possibly my favorite.
Nothing to see here. Move along.
#4
thanks alot man, anything you want me to look at?

also, would be great to get some other eyes on this if anyone has any free time to lend some quips.

zackk, i know i still owe you, just want to give a decent amount of time to your piece.
#6
Alright so I'll start off by saying the reason I don't give many crits around here is I feel poetry is a way to express yourself and can't really be judged by how well someone else likes it or understands it. But since I haven't given a crit around here an ages I'll give this a shot. Just take everything I say with a grain of salt.

I related to this. Not on a personal level, but more in the way that watching "that 70's show" seems to remind everyone of their own group of friends. Having said that, I feel that by using names you are creating a bunch of characters. And everytime a character is introduced we need to understand that individual. Just my opinion, but the short little quips about each character I felt was sometimes just perfect and sometimes fell a little short. Jessie I get, but Mike pouring his cereal seems redundant. Just me though. On a poetic level, the words were all in the right places, but still didn't seem to hit as hard as they should. All I got out of this was "everyones leaving for college again. So let's relive our memories as fast as we can over a few beers before the road trip alone." The not-so-subtle alliteration is a little over the top for me. But once again that's just me. Well that's all I got for now. Take my opinion for what it's worth. And don't you dare return this crit because I owe you plenty.