#1
Going through a rough patch right now, so here is the result of some of it, i have a chord prog to it, but any crit is appreciated. If you think something is conventional/mundane, say so, if you think something is unclear and i need to expand, do it. Anything is appreciated, i'm fairly new to lyric and poetry.


Butterfly with broken wings
flutter by the finer things, too blind to see

and you'll come to find
when the time is right
you'll fall for it

just like i fell through you

i guess it's time i
learned something new

thought what we had was true
I always knew for lament
i was overdue

and you'll come to find
when the time is right
you'll fall for it

just like i fell through you
#2
I liked the first lines about the butterfly. I liked the revert back to the "fell through you" line. I didn't particularly care for "thought what we had was true." but enjoyed the two lines after. That first line is just....bleeh. Overall, I thought it was a good start.
#3
Alright, thanks for the crit! I'll work on that line and see if i can come up with something a bit more original that fits.