#1
I wrote the first verse and the chorus years ago and it has languished in my files ever since. I can’t tell you how many times I pulled this out and looked at it wishing I could finish it. Tonight, I believe I am finally on my way. This is where you come in. Critique and tell me what it needs. C4C.


Take a Hit

Grasping sanity
By my fingertips
On a ledge hoping to die
And praying I don’t slip

Pushed over the edge
By conspiracy
I played my part
While you played me

Just how this came to be
I still don’t understand
I never wanted to go this far
But I tripped and here I am

(Chorus)
Recommit
Life’s intense
Take a hit
Blow it out slow

Deny the lie
Bring truth to it
Take a hit
Blow it out slow


Blind eyes to the sky
Searching in vain
For some form of deliverance
Won’t you call me by name?

My innocence stolen
Is justice deaf to my screams?
Maybe If I could just let go
It would wake me from this dream

My position now
Gives me the perspective that I need
Though I might lose it all
I got to find the strength for me

(Chorus)
Recommit
Life’s intense
Take a hit
Blow it out slow

Deny the lie
Bring truth to it
Take a hit
Blow it out slow
#2
I'm not too good with reviews, but i really liked it for the most part.

"Blind eyes to the sky,
Searching in vain,
For some form of deliverance,
Won't you call me by name?"

These few lines could be reworked a bit to help them flow a little better

"I got to find the strength for me"

I think just change 'got' to have'. got just seems to subtract from the mood a bit.

Overall i really like it, just a few minor changes like i said above. Hope this helps.
#3
First stanza is great. The last two lines of it are pure gold. Wordplay in the second stanza is good, not great, but good. It works well enough within the piece. 3rd stanza was eh to me. Just felt like it didn't help the piece along at all. I would recommend dropping it or rewriting it, but that's just me, take my opinion for what it's worth. Chorus seems pretty simple and straightforward, I'm guessing that's what you're going for. And it worked out pretty well.
"Blind eyes to the sky
Searching in vain
For some form of deliverance"
This part feels a little forced, the last line of this verse is nice though. I just wasn't feeling this part, can't put my finger on why though.
"My innocence stolen
Is justice deaf to my screams?
Maybe If I could just let go
It would wake me from this dream"
This didn't impress me much. Felt like a giant cliche to me. "innocence, justice etc." it's all been said before. show me the loss of innocence and lack of justice. Don't just tell me.

Don't get me wrong I feel this piece has potential, it's just not quite there yet. But I'm not anybody important so take what I say for what it's worth. Hopefully I helped out a little bit.