#1
I'm considering this as an acoustic/ambient song or perhaps an ambient outro to a heavier song. All criticism is welcome and appreciated.

C4C, as always.

Edited version:


When we met in Xanadu
at the foot of golden steps,
I thought I had known you
once but you were only
a reflection of the sun
that beats down on me.

Now the empire is gone,
and all that remain
are these tired earthen walls,
but someday I'll find
someway to reach you
and leave this place behind.
Last edited by Winter Sky at Aug 25, 2011,
#2
I really like this. It seems pretty simplistic and abstract, but it also puts a pretty vivid picture in my mind. ill be honest i have no idea what Xanadu is though. but i dont know, maybe its supposed to be like that? I know this isnt a very in-depth review, but i figured a simple opinion can help
#4
I'm a big fan of the idea. But the execution I feel could've been done better. It just comes off a tad cliche to me first verse talks about an apple tree, second verse stars, and then earth. It's like you tried to get away with it because you used a unique city that hasn't been used before (which I thought was clever). This could be stronger, much stronger. Maybe it works well as a song, but on paper it looks sort of bland. Like I've heard this all before, there needs to be something special for me to tell it apart from other songs like this. But hey man, it's your song and I"m just an average guy so what do I know. I'm not trying to be a douche so hopefully I helped a little bit. If not just dismiss everything I said and have a good one.
#5
This is my first draft of the lyrics, so that's the kind of criticism I need to make it as powerful as it can be. I'm considering removing rhymes from this song altogether so my thoughts can flow more freely and precisely.

Perhaps I'll do some research on Xanadu (geographically, historically, etc.) and use more of that as opposed to the Earth and space themes I've been using so much lately.

Thank you very much for the honest critique.

EDIT: I pretty much rewrote it from scratch. Comments on the new version?
Last edited by Winter Sky at Aug 25, 2011,