#1
Strange events occured
When the pale moon is full
My drinking glass stands tall
For strong wine flowing in my veins
Not thinking clearly at all

Perfect posture
Fire has been burning for hours
Deep inside the wildfire
For a gift I like to smile

Undesireable urge for appetite
Unadulterated emotions felt like summer romance
For a beautiful queen dressed in silk and roses
Walking in bountiful garden of eden
Where impenetrable grape orchards flourish
Perpetually
#2
I like this a lot. Im picking up a Jim Morrison-esque vibe from it. Its a bit eerie (which I like) , with the themes of night, fire, intoxication, and lust prevalent.

First stanza is good, but I don't like the last line. Feels like a forced rhyme. Second stanza, not much to say- cryptic, but at the same time primal and instinctively appealing. Wordplay in the last stanza is epic, really liking that stanza. All in all, although sort of cryptic (not a bad thing) , I understand where you are coming from with this and definitely like it.
#3
thanks for the critque and glad you like it. it was inspired by the doors 'the end' and 'ghost song.' ive been reading game of thrones and this was inspired as well.
#4
Quote by jod23
thanks for the critque and glad you like it. it was inspired by the doors 'the end' and 'ghost song.' ive been reading game of thrones and this was inspired as well.


Awesome man. Those are two of my favorite songs of all time actually, and the biggest influences on my writing. If you wanna check out and drop a critique, here are the two threads ive made since joining UG:

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1474714
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1474722