#1
So, this is my first post here. Let me know what you think. Song is supposed to have a sort of mystical, grungy vibe to it if that makes any sense . C4C -


this is the place where all your dreams will come true
so sit down and think this through
your inhibitions got the best of you
but your eyes will gleam with passion soon
realize that this life is just a game
gotta play it right, just to stay sane
deep underneath weve all got something strange
buildin up, yeah were all the same

tell me girl, is your heart not for sale?
Confirm what I already know so well

Chorus: *When the sky falls will you think of me
and if someday i called would your heart skip a beat?
The things im certain of are so uncertain but,
Ive missed, your, touch*

your fate was in my hands and my hands were on the wheel
the wheel was stuck in place and turning back had no appeal
dont wanna hurt you but you know im cursed
like the midas touch, but much, much worse

*chorus*

Need you to fill the gap between my head and heart,
wish you understood, ive been enchanted from the start
Last edited by mojorisin313 at Sep 5, 2011,
#3
While not quite my style, I would call this piece good. The first verse had some flow issues, or rather, I believe the inclusion of the touch/much rhyme midline at the end of the second verse made it flow better than the first. But I can't see how this could be corrected. I think this piece has little that can actually be improved on without making major structural changes that would modify the scope of the work. With well done music, I think this song would work well.
#4
Quote by robmacabre
While not quite my style, I would call this piece good. The first verse had some flow issues, or rather, I believe the inclusion of the touch/much rhyme midline at the end of the second verse made it flow better than the first. But I can't see how this could be corrected. I think this piece has little that can actually be improved on without making major structural changes that would modify the scope of the work. With well done music, I think this song would work well.


I see this as a compliment , so thanks man. I see what you mean with the first verse having flow issues on paper, but with the phrasing I use in the actual song, paired with the music, it actually flows better than anything else I've written. Again, thanks, i'll get to you tonight or tomorrow