#1
This is a song I wrote the other night upon finding out that my ex wife intends to move out if state with my little girl. I all ready have the bassline figured out, and given the personal nature if the piece, I'm toying with the idea of doing it solo, with merely me and my acoustic bass. Anyway, I thought I'd see what you guys thought of it. It's a low, slow song. I actually may have a bare-bones recording in a few days.

There's a monster in me and you're gonna meet him
And he's big and he's evil and he feeds on sins
There's a monster in me and you'll never beat him
And he's proud and he's cunning and he always wins

And you still think he's safely kept at bay
But now he's cut loose and he's gonna get his way
Yes, now I've let him loose and now there's hell to pay
You stole my flesh and blood, but you'll never get away

There's a monster in me and you're gonna meet him
He's silent and he's dark and he breathes your fears
There's a monster in me and you'll never beat him
He's quick and he's close and he can taste your tears

And you still think he's safely kept at bay
But now he's cut loose and he's gonna get his way
Yes, now I've let him loose and now there's hell to pay
You stole my flesh and blood, but you'll never get away
#2
I would change this:
But now he's cut loose and he's gonna get his way
to:
But now he's loose and he'll get his way

For flows sake but then again yours works too.

This song is very angry and couple with a low, slow sound may be quite an interesting song indeed. I wish you luck with both the song and your situation (of which I am very sorry for)

Crit Mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1475100
#3
Lyrics are pretty straightforward, there's no bullsh*tting here - just plain emotion which is good. It's not as poetic as one could hope for, but again, that's not what you're going for. I could see this working very well musically if and only if you could capture the emotion in the vocals. Without that, it might be sort of bland. My favorite line : "He's quick and he's close and he can taste your tears".