#1
crit4crit
DINNER IS SERVED

We gather around a holiday feast
Hold hands together and say grace
But each is praying for the other's demise
So he could come along and take his place
See this roasted duck and Christmas ham
Will never fullfil our appetites
Just save your cookies for Santa claus
We're going to eat each other alive

If you see a cheap imitation
Don't hesistate to buy it
Don't go looking for true love
You'll never ever find it

Better make that money quick 'cause Christmas keeps
Arriving here sooner and sooner
Just skip Thanksgiving, it's been a joke since
The redman gave an inch and we became rulers
But that's just the way of God-fearing men
To come along and bite the hand that feeds them
Our stomach growls must've overpowered
The brotherly love preached by Jesus

If you see a cheap imitation
Don't hesistate to buy it
Don't go looking for true love
You'll never ever find it
#2
Quote by themarsvolta
crit4crit
DINNER IS SERVED

We gather around a holiday feast
Hold hands together and say grace
But each is praying for the other's demise
So he could come along and take his place
See this roasted duck and Christmas ham
Will never fullfill our appetites
Just save your cookies for Santa Claus
We're going to eat each other alive Good stanza, nothing much to crit here except for a few minor spelling errors. I liked how the first two lines put an image of a family getting together to celebrate, then quickly turned dark by the third line...nice.

If you see a cheap imitation
Don't hesistate to buy it
Don't go looking for true love
You'll never ever find it I also liked this stanza, your metaphors always come off as original and well thought out. Not a huge fan of that "Never ever" bit though

Better make that money quick 'cause Christmas keeps
Arriving here sooner and sooner
Just skip Thanksgiving, it's been a joke since
The redman gave an inch and we became rulers
But that's just the way of God-fearing men
To come along and bite the hand that feeds them
Our stomach growls must've overpowered
The brotherly love preached by Jesus I felt as though the first stanza was more powerful than this one, maybe it's cause I'm not sure I completely understand what this one's trying to say. The last two lines were brilliant though

If you see a cheap imitation
Don't hesistate to buy it
Don't go looking for true love
You'll never ever find it

Overall I enjoyed reading this, not your best one but great nonetheless. I liked the use of hunger as a metaphor for greed, but I feel as though this idea might not be entirely original, bit overdone really. However you've managed to make it go un-noticed which is good. The meaning wasn't completely clear to me, even after a few reads. I might just be slow though

Good read

AEDIT: Also, would you mind critting this piece? It's a short one I promise

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1474984
Last edited by ali.guitarkid7 at Aug 29, 2011,