to hell with going to hell

i sit quietly, read a magazine, take a break from all my doubts
you know i used to be a Jesus freak, but now Jesus freaks me out
(i used to be feel impotent, like a reel without a rod)
i used to be a lot of things but now i'm really not
when you left for work this morning i heard a shorebird singing in the other room
i gave it some thought, thought i'd probably give up anything to sing like you.
(everything goes around and around and around)
A nice piece.
I Enjoy the way You play with the words.

I love the second line, but the fifth and sixth seemed a little long, still good, but shortening them may help improve the flow.
This was amazing, btw.

"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

I really enjoyed this piece! I felt like it was a really excellent interpretation of those times when you're just sitting around and find yourself suddenly barraged with random thoughts. The piece has a sort of random but controlled chaos in how it jumps from one thought to another; which I feel allowed you to add quite a bit of substance into a very short piece.
Last edited by Fly-By-Night at Aug 30, 2011,