Черный левиафана - a death metal song (C4C)

#1
So, I wrote a death metal song, and because I've been studying the language for some time I decided to write the lyrics in Russian even though my knowhow is... not good.

Anyways, the song is called "The Black Leviathan" (Черный левиафан and it's in my profile. The first song on the list. Can't miss.

Criticism for criticism. Do keep in mind that I'm bad at critting on pop/electronic stuff but I'll surely try.

Cheers.

//also if there are any Russians in here I want all grammatical errors to be reported =D

Lyrics:
черный тоннелей
ниже Москва
последний надежда человечества
злой живет в темноте
и темнота крепчает...
день по день
мы приходим смерть ближе
день по день
мы исчезаем...
скоро вы будет проглочена
на черный левиафана...
I live near Lake Bodom WORSHIP MEEEEEEE

Quote by Sami Philadelph
LOL, for some reason the impression I get from you is like some wacky Frank Zappa of metal pulling pranks at the Grammys and telling crude jokes during interviews.
Last edited by henkka_potku at Aug 29, 2011,
#2
I've been speaking Russian with my best friend for 4 years, and I've always wanted to write a song in Russian because it's so easy to rhyme... Nice lyrics, I didn't actually know most of those words, they don't normally come up in conversation...

The song's also pretty sweet.
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and then there's free jazz, which isn't even for musicians.

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As my old guitar teacher once said: Metal really comes from classical music. The only difference is pinch harmonics, double bass, and lyrics about killing goats.
#3
Pretty cool song, The productions good to, guitars are clear and upfront but I find that a little strange in relation to the rest. It sounds like a Burzum inspired sort of sound and the quality/production of the vocals reflect that, same with the drums, but I think the guitars are maybe too pronounced in relation to that.

As the song goes on it sounds like you mix in elements influenced by other subgenres, you do a pretty good job blending it all in. I'd be interested to hear what you comeup with as your style evolves.

Maybe it's just personal preference, but I wasn't too impressed by the riffs, although they were good and I liked the thrashier riff more. But that last solo was impressive! Good job.
#4
Quote by Leather Sleeves
Pretty cool song, The productions good to, guitars are clear and upfront but I find that a little strange in relation to the rest. It sounds like a Burzum inspired sort of sound and the quality/production of the vocals reflect that, same with the drums, but I think the guitars are maybe too pronounced in relation to that.

As the song goes on it sounds like you mix in elements influenced by other subgenres, you do a pretty good job blending it all in. I'd be interested to hear what you comeup with as your style evolves.

Maybe it's just personal preference, but I wasn't too impressed by the riffs, although they were good and I liked the thrashier riff more. But that last solo was impressive! Good job.

Thanks for the feedback. I wanted the first riff especially to sound "ominous" and I was least satisfied with the thrashier riffs. But to each their own eh.
I live near Lake Bodom WORSHIP MEEEEEEE

Quote by Sami Philadelph
LOL, for some reason the impression I get from you is like some wacky Frank Zappa of metal pulling pranks at the Grammys and telling crude jokes during interviews.
#5
Thanks for the crit earlier.

I think the intro is too sudden, and not intro-y enough, but the riff is good and the verse is also good where it gets more strong. The vocals are very black metal or blackened death metal, and maybe they should be more out there do be death metal, instead of sounding a bit distant.

IMO the drums are very good and fit the style perfectly.
#6
Well death isnt my cup of tea really but the moelodic section in the middle was lovely, good transition into the heavier riffs again. Good production value too, and the solo was sick. Sorry I cant crit more lol but I dont know russian nor do I know if the death voice is good :P
2/17/08 Kosova's independence!!!
#7
The vocals sounded as dark as if they'd been recorded in a crypt. Which is a good thing for this kind of music. Clever idea, singing in Russian. It also adds to the effect.

Riffs pretty good. Song was structured well with clearly identifiable sections. For some reason I'm getting an architectural image of the structure?! Solo was interesting; it started off as shred and then went weird. Good tone. Worked well.

Production was good. Didn't hurt my ears, filled out my room quite nicely.

I agree that the right intro would be a good thing for the song.

C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=28018553#post28018553
#8
Very eerie and cryptic. The tremolo picking seemed very tight and heavy. The russian also added to the evil sound. I would have liked to hear a more interesting drum part because those double bass beats have been overused throughout all of thrash/deathmetal music. But good work all together.

C4C w/ critique?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-wDo2LvFRis&feature=channel_video_title
#9
you made some mistakes. i will write you how it must to be ))

Lyrics:
черные тоннели,
под родной Москвой,
последняя надеждa человечества...
там зло живет в темноте
и ледяной мрак крепнет ...
день за днем
мы подходим ближе к смерти
день за днем
мы исчезаем в бездну ...
И скоро нас проглотит
черный левиафан ...
__________________
#10
How is a 10'er so good at necromancy?

Any way, Rossielle, the thread is four years old so OP might never see it. Just pointing it out.
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