#1
All The Rights, Still Make You Wrong.

Pardon me, but you seem to be misplaced. The true colors of my heart, bleed out the colors of your face. Deep brown and red as it leaks from the cracks. Of wear and tear , and your weathering tracks. Don't take my hand, and don't you dare feel my warmth. I'm just another tattered blanket that you cannot afford. So i'll cut and i'll sew another life made anew, with this needle, all these stiches will not hold the thoughts of you. I'm still torn and ripped, and imperfect at best, but you're out of my lifes problem, and i'm done with this test.....Step up!


c- All the plans, all the times you said u loved me. Meant nothing more than the heart you've laid with shame. Gather dust from your neglectful tongue, it's played out like this, and now im done. Do everything you can to forget my ****ing name!
Last edited by GodsDrumz at Aug 30, 2011,
#2
I'm not sure how well it scans, because it's a bit tricky to see where the lines end. I'm piecing it together from the rhyme scheme Maybe next time try laying it out with line breaks?

"but you're out of my lifes problem" feels a little awkward too.

That said, I particularly like "the true colors of my heart, bleed out the colors of your face". Fairly awesome image