#1
I just finished school and I guess this is my little reflection on the last year of my life. It's a finger picked acoustic song. Any comments would be much appreciated - thanks!!

Goodbye to everything
Everyone I’ve known
Everyone that I’ve watched grow older

Sat out back, gazing stars
Thousands of them out there
Yours the only one I’m looking for


Show me your heart
I’ll wear it proudly on my sleeve x2


Thought I left it all back in California
Drew some blood there to feel alive
No more counting days down here on trial

Where’s your heartbeat girl?
I can’t feel it here no more
This house been cold since you walked out that door


Show me your heart
I’ll wear it proudly on my sleeve x2
#2
Quote by alex.d
I just finished school and I guess this is my little reflection on the last year of my life. It's a finger picked acoustic song. Any comments would be much appreciated - thanks!!

Goodbye to everything
Everyone I’ve known
Everyone that I’ve watched grow older

Pretty good opener. A little cliche, but I really like the last line.

Sat out back, gazing stars
Thousands of them out there
Yours the only one I’m looking for

Again, a little cliche, but it works. And, again, the last line is my favorite here. Solid flow, too.


Show me your heart
I’ll wear it proudly on my sleeve x2

I really dig this; it's an interesting twist on an old cliche. Nicely done.


Thought I left it all back in California
Drew some blood there to feel alive
No more counting days down here on trial

I love that second line, and the stanza as a whole is very well-written. My favorite stanza by far.

Where’s your heartbeat girl?
I can’t feel it here no more
This house been cold since you walked out that door

I would change "no more" to "anymore" because it just sounds better, and it should be easy to squeeze that extra syllable in. In the last line, I suggest changing "house" to "home's" or add "is" after "house". Bad grammar detracts from any piece, in my opinion. Content-wise, I really like this stanza as well.

Show me your heart
I’ll wear it proudly on my sleeve x2


This is a very well-written song, the flow is great, and I can feel the emotion pouring from it. I like that it seems to grow in desperation and sadness as the piece goes on; you built it up very well. Great work, mate.
#3
Thanks for the comment! I'm not the most experienced writer so I sometimes find it hard to write without some cliche's. But I like how this one turned out. Is there anything I can take a look at for you?
#4
I like this, it's a nice read and I think the best thing about it is it's down-to-earth, you know? You can actually see or imagine yourself doing these things. Plus, it's wistful, which I'm a sucker for.

As Winter Sky said, you stray a little close to cliches, but 1) who doesn't? and 2) you write well enough that you can reference them without causing the impression of lameness.

I like the first stanza the best, and the refrain as well. "Everything I've watched grow older" is a great line.

Now just avoid it turning out like this and you'll be fine.

Quote by DukeDeRox
Obviously you got this.