#1
So yeah, I wrote a thing. Might be a little ****ed up.

Big Missing Things:
Chorus
Final Verse

Mail Order Bride

She's one in a million
That's what the site said
She's east European
And crazy in bed
She doesn't speak English
She's only nineteen
I'm not sure she's legal
But it don't bother me

We're already married
She's been here 3 days
She's not met my family
(line missing)
We went on vacation
She tried to escape
Now she's learned her lesson
Cause she's on a leash

I tried online dating
It wasn't for me
They all left me waiting
Outside until three
I needed new options
I needed them bad
So I bought a girlfriend
From some guy named Vlad

And he told me, "You cannot buy love, but if you don't buy wife I tear out your eyes and pour vodka in sockets"
#2
you need to channel the spirit of Frank Zappa to finish out the lyrics and find a crazy chorus to go in there...something maybe sung by a choir or something for the chorus...
#4
Nice man, guy named Vlad lol! For the missing line, (after changing the previous line) how bout....

We're already married
She's been here 3 days
I've kept my receipt,
who says crime does'nt pay?