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#1
i went outside in my boxers to water my plants, it was night

an old lady walked by

squeezed my ass

and said 'i like the way you water those plants, boy'

i then turned to see her carry on walking to her house

she's my neighbor

i'm scared of her now

she's not married, and she's totally hot, classic cougar, but my ass still hurts from the amount of pressure and i can feel her hand print on my ass

she's about 60 and has 13 dogs

what do i do? my mother is great friends with her, they share gardening tips all the time

it still hurts

i can feel it

i can feel it really bad
Click here to hear my BOB DYLAN (Blowing in the Wind) out right now May 2k17
#2
Tap it.
dirtbag ballet by the bins down the alley
as i walk through the chalet of the shadow of death
everything that you've come to expect


#3
Quote by laid-to-waste

she's not married, and she's totally hot, classic cougar, but my ass still hurts from the amount of pressure and i can feel her hand print on my ass

she's about 60 and has 13 dogs


???
#4
What is the problem here again?

Is it that you have a sensitive butt or are you asking us how to approach this woman?
Quote by Jackal58
Nothing is stranger than being anonymous.
#5


...



...



Ask her if she wants her hydrangea watered. She'll get the hint.
🙈 🙉 🙊
Last edited by entity0009 at Sep 2, 2011,
#6
Stop watering those plants so sexually then.
Quote by vagelier
Nothing is more arousing for girls than a man who claims that he doesn't have worms - and can prove it with conclusive evidence.


Black
Then
White are
All I see
In my infancy
Red and yellow then came to be
Reaching out to me.
Lets me see.
#8
Well, since it's autumn I'd start making sure your plants can survive the winter. Some plants need extra nourishment now that their leaves will drop. I suggest you take a look at which plants are at the biggest risk and - if needed - buy some fertilized soil to replant them with.
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#10
Quote by Ian_the_fox
You're not girly enough of a boy for me, and you're not man enough to take the top. So like, sorry bitch but you ain't mine! Sorry.
#12
Fuck her, you know you want to. Otherwise you wouldn't make this thread.

Trust me, she's moist for you.
Sunn O))):
Quote by Doppelgänger
You could always just sleep beside your refrigerator.

Guitar:
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- Fender 'Lite Ash' Stratocaster
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Amp:
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RIP DIO
#14
Quote by Kriegherz
Stop watering those plants so sexually then.


whats so sexual about hello kitty underwear

theyre comfy

and i cant water plants without bending over

its disrespectful

they deserve my love
Click here to hear my BOB DYLAN (Blowing in the Wind) out right now May 2k17
#17
Quote by FireHawk
and if not you can get some lube




This guy knows.
Sunn O))):
Quote by Doppelgänger
You could always just sleep beside your refrigerator.

Guitar:
- Ibanez S670FM w/ JB
- Fender 'Lite Ash' Stratocaster
- Fender '72 Deluxe Telecaster
- Arbiter LP Jr. Doublecut
Amp:
- Laney VC15

'72 Tele Appreciation Group
RIP DIO
#18
Quote by laid-to-waste
whats so sexual about hello kitty underwear

theyre comfy

and i cant water plants without bending over

its disrespectful

they deserve my love


Have you

Been hanging out

With tortilla?
Quote by Ian_the_fox
You're not girly enough of a boy for me, and you're not man enough to take the top. So like, sorry bitch but you ain't mine! Sorry.
#19
Quote by Kensai
Well, since it's autumn I'd start making sure your plants can survive the winter. Some plants need extra nourishment now that their leaves will drop. I suggest you take a look at which plants are at the biggest risk and - if needed - buy some fertilized soil to replant them with.


unless thats an extended sex metaphor i dont think you understand what my post was implying

i look after my plants very well

not a day goes by when theyre not moist enough
Click here to hear my BOB DYLAN (Blowing in the Wind) out right now May 2k17
#20
Woo her and steal her pension.
Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.

- Berthold Auerbach


Quote by jbridge90
Wow, being surrounded by all of these humourless, pussy-whipped virgins is starting to make me sick.

Check out my band!
#21
Quote by laid-to-waste
unless thats an extended sex metaphor i dont think you understand what my post was implying

i look after my plants very well

not a day goes by when theyre not moist enough

There is such a thing as overwatering plants, though. Outdoor plants can handle it somewhat well, and bonsai trees require daily watering, but most indoor plants and some outdoor plants can't be kept moist 24/7. Thing about overwatering plants is that you don't even notice it until a few days or weeks afterwards when the plant has died, unlike underwatering which you'll notice right away on a plant as the foliage turns yellow and leaves start to drop. Of course in autumn that happens a lot so you don't always know clear. The best method is to read up on each individual plant and follow the instructions. Check the soil if it's moist by dipping your finger slightly less than an inch into it instead of looking at the leaves.
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#23
Quote by Kensai
There is such a thing as overwatering plants, though. Outdoor plants can handle it somewhat well, and bonsai trees require daily watering, but most indoor plants and some outdoor plants can't be kept moist 24/7. Thing about overwatering plants is that you don't even notice it until a few days or weeks afterwards when the plant has died, unlike underwatering which you'll notice right away on a plant as the foliage turns yellow and leaves start to drop. Of course in autumn that happens a lot so you don't always know clear. The best method is to read up on each individual plant and follow the instructions. Check the soil if it's moist by dipping your finger slightly less than an inch into it instead of looking at the leaves.


no

no


no i was

the moist thing

the moist thing was a sex metaphor

implying they have everything daddy gives them

im daddy

daddy waters his plants good
Click here to hear my BOB DYLAN (Blowing in the Wind) out right now May 2k17
#25
Quote by Kensai
There is such a thing as overwatering plants, though. Outdoor plants can handle it somewhat well, and bonsai trees require daily watering, but most indoor plants and some outdoor plants can't be kept moist 24/7. Thing about overwatering plants is that you don't even notice it until a few days or weeks afterwards when the plant has died, unlike underwatering which you'll notice right away on a plant as the foliage turns yellow and leaves start to drop. Of course in autumn that happens a lot so you don't always know clear. The best method is to read up on each individual plant and follow the instructions. Check the soil if it's moist by dipping your finger slightly less than an inch into it instead of looking at the leaves.


Whoa easy there, this is a family website.
Quote by Ian_the_fox
You're not girly enough of a boy for me, and you're not man enough to take the top. So like, sorry bitch but you ain't mine! Sorry.
#26
Quote by laid-to-waste
im daddy

daddy waters his plants good

epic metaphor, thats all i gotta say.
E-married to BlessedRebel15
Most Attractive Female 2011 ^^
Dark Black Rivers in the WinterTime
Quote by CrunchyRoll
I'm not sure if you're aware of this or not, but everything is against the rules at UG
#27
Quote by laid-to-waste
no

no


no i was

the moist thing

the moist thing was a sex metaphor

implying they have everything daddy gives them

im daddy

daddy waters his plants good


You should still look after your plants. They're still life, though immobile and silent.
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#29
Quote by Kensai
There is such a thing as overwatering plants, though. Outdoor plants can handle it somewhat well, and bonsai trees require daily watering, but most indoor plants and some outdoor plants can't be kept moist 24/7. Thing about overwatering plants is that you don't even notice it until a few days or weeks afterwards when the plant has died, unlike underwatering which you'll notice right away on a plant as the foliage turns yellow and leaves start to drop. Of course in autumn that happens a lot so you don't always know clear. The best method is to read up on each individual plant and follow the instructions. Check the soil if it's moist by dipping your finger slightly less than an inch into it instead of looking at the leaves.


ಠ_ಠ
Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.

- Berthold Auerbach


Quote by jbridge90
Wow, being surrounded by all of these humourless, pussy-whipped virgins is starting to make me sick.

Check out my band!
#30
Quote by Kensai
You should still look after your plants. They're still life, though immobile and silent.


I DO look after my plants, man

please stop accusing me of giving my plants anything less or more than 100% of my love

its making me sad
Click here to hear my BOB DYLAN (Blowing in the Wind) out right now May 2k17
#33
can you guys stop suggesting i sex her its forcing a lot of unwanted imagery and i dont lime it
Click here to hear my BOB DYLAN (Blowing in the Wind) out right now May 2k17
#34
Hit that like the fist of an angry god!!!
WARUM TUT ES WEH, WENN ICH PINKLE?!
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I'm going to take this opportunity to initiate my campaign to replace the phrase "Taking a shit" with "Busting a grumpy."


Quote by Axelfox
Disregard that,i suck cocks.
#38
Quote by LRCGUITAR


What kind of person is weird enough to think up this kind of stuff?


it hurts that you think im not telling the truth
Click here to hear my BOB DYLAN (Blowing in the Wind) out right now May 2k17
#39
Quote by laid-to-waste
it hurts that you think im not telling the truth

Sorry bro, I didn't mean it that way!

If you want to let her down the easy way just tell her you're not a dog person.

And, you know, there's always these:
#40
Quote by laid-to-waste
can you guys stop suggesting i sex her its forcing a lot of unwanted imagery and i dont lime it


Orange you glad I didn't put the image of your 60 year old neighbor's wrinkly clit into your head?
Quote by Ian_the_fox
You're not girly enough of a boy for me, and you're not man enough to take the top. So like, sorry bitch but you ain't mine! Sorry.
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