#1
Well, I just got back from the doctors. I was in the waiting area when this woman who looked about 25ish walked in with a baby. She had unbelievably massive boobs and she was super hot. When I saw her, I was like :O

So then, she sat down across from me and I got a boner from looking at her. But that's not it, she started breastfeeding her baby and I could see them... Probably the biggest hard on i've ever gotten.

Then, the doctor walked out of his office and called my name. I went in, sat down and I told him what was wrong. He told me to lie on the examination table...

At that stage, I still had the boner... and I was still thinking of the woman, shit.

So I got on the table. As soon as he came over, he said "Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me"... It made me sooo embarrassed and I felt like dying. Uhh!!!

So Pit, tell me of your funny stories


#3
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LET'S GO BUCKS
#4
Quote by NakedInTheRain
this one time, my entire family perished in a house fire.

laughed my arse off at that one.
You laughed your arson off??
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#5
I have no funny stories. Today was just disgusting. My last shift as doctor in my surgery before I went home to a romantic dinner with my wife; it's our anniversary. Then this guy walks in and lies down on the table, clearly had a massive hard on and looked fairly pleased about it. I had to break the ice somehow I..I...couldn't think of anything else to say.
When I got home the wife had made black pudding
#6
I caught my face in a bear trap and everyone called me Mr Bear because I also had a hairy chest. The fact my face had a permanent bear trap was irrelevant. True story.
The DNA results show that Jeremy Kyle is a nob.


Quote by titsmcgee852
I want to look at your sexual naked body.
#7
lawls just came back from the doctor, some lady told me how hurricaine's in the eastern united states are better than guns in california because they kill more black people.
I love all forms of Rock 'n' Roll, past and NOT present
#8
Quote by SkepsisMetal
I have no funny stories. Today was just disgusting. My last shift as doctor in my surgery before I went home to a romantic dinner with my wife; it's our anniversary. Then this guy walks in and lies down on the table, clearly had a massive hard on and looked fairly pleased about it. I had to break the ice somehow I..I...couldn't think of anything else to say.
When I got home the wife had made black pudding


LOL!!!


#9
Quote by Wolfinator-x
You laughed your arson off??


freewheelersnetwork.proboards.com - Shoot The S**t
#11
Quote by NakedInTheRain
you could say i got fired over that one.


I bet you weren't feeling so hot after that were you?
freewheelersnetwork.proboards.com - Shoot The S**t
#12
Quote by NakedInTheRain
you could say i got fired over that one.
You must have a flame burning for pyromancy inside you for that one. You're just too hot to handle when it comes to bringing down the house.
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#13
Last night I drank two pints of gasoline and a whole box of birth control, for about thirty minutes I felt like I was Patrick Schwayze.
I love all forms of Rock 'n' Roll, past and NOT present
#14
I went to the doctor today for a checkup after my sex reassignment surgery and some kid just stared at me and got a boner.

Quote by emad
jthm_guitarist
Warned for trolling!


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Didn't you say that you had a stuffed fox that you would occasionally fuck?

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#15
Quote by jthm_guitarist
I went to the doctor today for a checkup after my sex reassignment surgery and some kid just stared at me and got a boner.
Serves you right for breastfeeding in public, ma'am.

Err, what?
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#16
i went to the doctor today for a checkup and i saw this weird guy on a laptop mumbling something about lying about a hot chick to his buddy sitting next to him.
Click here to hear my BOB DYLAN (Blowing in the Wind) out right now May 2k17
#17
Quote by laid-to-waste
i went to the doctor today for a checkup and i saw this weird guy on a laptop mumbling something about lying about a hot chick to his buddy sitting next to him.
Wait, that was you?
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#18
So I'm just being a baby at the doctor's office waiting room with my mom, and I started to get hungry. I was well into my meal when I noticed this ****ing kid staring me in the eyes and I was like "you wanna go, mother****er?".
#19
That's hilarious! I was supposed to check up on this one kid today, and he had a raging boner pointed directly towards me! What the hell, man! I then asked him if that was just a gun in his pants. If it was, it would have been a lot better. Anything's better than a raging BONER!
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#20
So I'm this examination table, right, and I'm just minding my own business inside this doctor's office when some kid with a raging erection comes and lies down on top of me. I mean, come on, man. Tables have feelings too, and I didn't like what I was feeling.
#21
So i was just in this kids pants, minding my own business, when all of a sudden a rush of blood surges into me! I have no idea what was going on, but I almost threw up.
#23
Quote by Weaponized
So i was just in this kids pants, minding my own business, when all of a sudden a rush of blood surges into me! I have no idea what was going on, but I almost threw up.



Winner.
#24
Quote by NakedInTheRain
So I'm this examination table, right, and I'm just minding my own business inside this doctor's office when some kid with a raging erection comes and lies down on top of me. I mean, come on, man. Tables have feelings too, and I didn't like what I was feeling.
Oh, so I'm NOT on crystal meth. That's a good thing.
Quote by Weaponized
So i was just in this kids pants, minding my own business, when all of a sudden a rush of blood surges into me! I have no idea what was going on, but I almost threw up.
How did I not see this the first time???
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Last edited by Wolfinator-x at Sep 2, 2011,
#25
so i'm this cactus in a doctor's office and this guy comes in and he's being a horny pervert and staring at some woman and i didn't give a single **** because i only get to give one **** a day and i'm not wasting it on some horny pervert. i thought about giving one of the two shits i can give each day, but then i thought, **** you, i'm a cactus. if i did give a ****, i'd guess he's probably some stupid nerd who's gonna go brag about his pervertedness on the internet, where no one else will give a **** either, but i don't so i won't guess that. now if you'll excuse me, i'm off to play Candy Land with a couple of stray cats from the alley.
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#26
Quote by NakedInTheRain
So I'm this examination table, right, and I'm just minding my own business inside this doctor's office when some kid with a raging erection comes and lies down on top of me. I mean, come on, man. Tables have feelings too, and I didn't like what I was feeling.


LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL This one, the baby one and the erection one wins!!!


#27
Quote by theogonia777
so i'm this cactus in a doctor's office and this guy comes in and he's being a horny pervert and staring at some woman and i didn't give a single **** because i only get to give one **** a day and i'm not wasting it on some horny pervert. i thought about giving one of the two shits i can give each day, but then i thought, **** you, i'm a cactus. if i did give a ****, i'd guess he's probably some stupid nerd who's gonna go brag about his pervertedness on the internet, where no one else will give a **** either, but i don't so i won't guess that. now if you'll excuse me, i'm off to play Candy Land with a couple of stray cats from the alley.

yeah you killed it bro
I love all forms of Rock 'n' Roll, past and NOT present
#28
I can't stay around much longer. As a Hogwarts professor, I must now turn into a cat and go play my weekly game of Candyland with my friend, the cactus.
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#29
One time I


and then I


We were totally wasted, but we


all over the floor, and into the


Woke up the next morning, and he


seriously tired.


Shit was cash.
#30
Quote by Wolfinator-x
I can't stay around much longer. As a Hogwarts professor, I must now turn into a cat and go play my weekly game of Candyland with my friend, the cactus.


make sure to remember the Mountain Dew and Doritos this time, okay? we don't want a repeat of what happened last time.
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#31
Quote by theogonia777
make sure to remember the Mountain Dew and Doritos this time, okay? we don't want a repeat of what happened last time.
When we caused the end of the world? Yeah, I admit it, that sorta sucked.
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#33
Quote by Wolfinator-x
When we caused the end of the world? Yeah, I admit it, that sorta sucked.


That was you?

I thought I just had gas.
#34
Quote by Wolfinator-x
You must have a flame burning for pyromancy inside you for that one. You're just too hot to handle when it comes to bringing down the house.


I bet he's distressed that his house burned down. The flames probably destroyed everything.

edit:

Quote by NakedInTheRain


Weiner.


Fixed
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Lucid Dreaming Thread
Last edited by chaos13 at Sep 2, 2011,
#35
Quote by chaos13
I bet he's distressed that his house burned down. The flames probably destroyed everything.
wut
Quote by PaulyVengeance
I thought I just had gas.
Not just you... not just you.
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Last edited by Wolfinator-x at Sep 2, 2011,
#36
So i was in gym class one day and we had to do some fitness test crap. At one point everyone had to do as many pull ups as they could do. The teacher would call up every student one by one and everyone else would watch them. When it was my friend's turn to go up he had a raging boner you could easily see and the entire class was looking at him.
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
Your post was the only bright spot in this disgusting piece of thread.

Quote by lexanirider78
You have balls. I like balls....(awkward silence)

Quote by SeveralSpecies
I waited for the rape.

...


...but the rape never came
#37
- User name Naruto
- Gets boner just looking at a woman
- Makes a 1 star thread

OP, I believe you to be 13.
The lake was silent for some time. Finally it said:
"I weep for Narcissus, but I never noticed that Narcissus was beautiful. I weep because, each time he knelt beside my banks, I could see, in the depths of his eyes, my own beauty reflected."
#38
So I'm going around my neighborhood on my bike, looking in trash cans for a loaf of bread when Im peddling past this older chick with one of them canes blind folk are using, right? One of those really nice ones. So I peddle past her and my seat gets all ****ed up and Im off my bike trying to fix it with an adjustable wrench when I look around and see she's coming my way.

Im like :0 She's gon collide right into meh. So I stand up and start stamping my feet to aware her of my presence, when we suddenly make eye-contact and I see she's looking at me like Im ****ed in the head and I notice she's limping, rhye?

#39
I work at a grocery store and a few days ago I was walking down some of the aisles and then I saw from the side some man fondle-itching-tickeling some womans butt.