#1
Wrote this a while ago, don't particularly like it but I'd like to read your opinions. C4C

Robot

You know you go partying every day
You sing it to me, going dancing you say
Well I guess you can try dance around me then
Same old thing you know, 'drink the night away'

And same old tone you give me
So perfect apparently
You sound like a robot to me
Can't touch me emotionally

You know you're in love all the time
You sing it to me, like sucking juice from a lime
Well I guess you can tell someone else how big her arse is
Give a shitty line like this just to make it rhyme

And same old tone you give me
So perfect apparently
You sound like a robot to me
Can't touch me emotionally

You know you tell me how much money you own
You sing it to me, like you're basking in the queens throne
Well I guess it's okay, I can't hear you from there
I'm fed up of hearing how you make girls moan

And same old tone you give me
So perfect apparently
You sound like a robot to me
Can't touch me emotionally
Last edited by StrumThatFender at Sep 5, 2011,
#2
Quote by StrumThatFender

Robot

You know you go partying every day
You sing it to me, going dancing you say
Well I guess you can try dance around me then
Same old thing you know, 'drink the night away'

Not a bad first stanza, but I feel like the "You know" is a bit unnecessary. Also, is the grammar on purpose in the third line? I find it's a little odd sounding.

And same old tone you give me
So perfect apparently
You sound like a robot to me
Can't touch me emotionally

This is pretty good. I love the last two lines especially. "So perfect apparently" is a little sits uncomfortable with me though, seems like its just there to continue the rhyming trend.

You know you're in love all the time
You sing it to me, like sucking juice from a lime
Well I guess you can tell someone else how big her arse is
Give a shitty line like this just to make it rhyme

Haha, I've always had trouble rhyming with 'time'. Don't worry about it. The seriousness of all the lyrics before this doesn't match up here. Its funny though.

And same old tone you give me
So perfect apparently
You sound like a robot to me
Can't touch me emotionally

You know you tell me how much money you own
You sing it to me, like you're basking in the queens throne
Well I guess it's okay, I can't hear you from there
I'm fed up of hearing how you make girls moan

I'm liking this stanza quite a bit actually. Although, I think it would be better if it wasn't so repetitive using "You know", "You sing it to me" (I kind of like this one though) and "well" on the first three lines. It actually works well here, but not so much with the other stanza's.

And same old tone you give me
So perfect apparently
You sound like a robot to me
Can't touch me emotionally


I don't think this is bad at all really, just might need a little more time perfecting.

You could crit this if you have any spare time, and I would really appreciate it.