#1
yeah its a while now
since you've been around
and its a little weird
to see you standing here

and im not to sure
if youre the cause or cure
for how i feel inside
head under covers
want to hide

your teeth and crooked smile
i hope this lasts a while
lets go some place new
just want to be with you


lets get this whole thing done
the game has just begun
but i think you feel like
youve already won
#2
I feel that to fully understand what I mean, It's better if I explain in example.

This song is full of cliche'd rhyme
(That's words that we see all the time)
The topic was not something new
Although I liked stanza three I did not like two
Your punctuation needs some work
This is not something you should shirk
and while It's not a heap of crap
I think you should revisit that
Rethink the topic; how to say
Emotion you're feeling, express away
But do not wallow in a dispair pit
It's a thousand times better than Ke$ha's shit.
Music is an art form that celebrates potential. So long as you're looking for it, you'll always find it.
#3
Quote by Mr.Pink101
I feel that to fully understand what I mean, It's better if I explain in example.

This song is full of cliche'd rhyme
(That's words that we see all the time)
The topic was not something new
Although I liked stanza three I did not like two
Your punctuation needs some work
This is not something you should shirk
and while It's not a heap of crap
I think you should revisit that
Rethink the topic; how to say
Emotion you're feeling, express away
But do not wallow in a dispair pit
It's a thousand times better than Ke$ha's shit.


^

Yeah, it's not terrible, but it's not very good either. Everything Mr.Pink101 said pretty much mirrors my thoughts on the piece. It was pretty cliche and uninteresting. It's okay to write about the same thing everyone else has written about, but it's important to say it in new, interesting ways.

Keep writing, mate.