#1
I've got friends in my head
That do the best they can
I know that they'll never leave
They want to much from me

I've got this girl in my chest
Who just beats me to death
She's got long red hair
That flows everywhere

-Part of a song
#2
I really like the analogy of the "girl in my chest". It's really rather clever. My only question is this: What point are you trying to make? It's really clever, but I fail to draw anything except an anatomy lesson from it. I mean, I'm sure that it'll make more sense when it's done, but it's just something to keep in mind. Good stuff, man.
"This nightmare's gonna break me.
Please, Daylight, save me..."
#3
First verse is good, second verse also, but I think that the "long red hair, that flows everywhere" is pretty cliche'd but sometimes its good to use cliches in a song.

When you've got a chorus I think it'll be a pretty good song with maybe more verses etc