i hate you
i hate me
i hate this
cause we're not we

i hate everything
everything everything that reminds me of your eyes
your eyes
your eyes

when we were us
i was
shining like a star
but now you've left me sitting
alone in my car
in my car

you said that you were
thinking bout
thinking bout
think bout your life
but it's always been you that i liked
and its always been him that you loved
that's why there's no
more room for us
Imo i think you can do better i like the message you're trying to convey but your rhyming gets in the way most of the time. If it were me, I would try free versing a bit on the subject and trying to find the flow in it then grab a good ol' rhyming dictionary to fill in the spots where needed.
Originally posted by the best of...
Vin Diesel was once asked if he believed in the idea of reincarnation. His response was simply "I used to be a plate of pancakes."
thanks this was just really fast and i was pretty stressed/tired thank you for the advice