this is the first song i've wrote, well part of it anyway, i just thought id ask for opinions and advice, the genre is metalcore, kinda like bullet for my valentine. please dont flame cause of genre or anything, thanks.

as i read your words, i hear them now
falling from your lips
so this is goodbye, so this is the end of forever

there will be no last embrace

i loved you
you left me alone

and i fall to the floor
crying out for someone, calling out for you
can you hear me?
or am i just a distant memory
of a time you'd rather forget
This is a good overall idea but it could use some help..... 1st: it doesn't have any sort of rhythm or rhyme (at least that I can make out) 2nd: In the first and last paragraphs you use the the word fall/falling, there's nothing wrong with this but it I think you could think of a different theme to go with ex:"running from your lips" 3rd: The third paragraph..... I think you should delete it and come up with something completely different. It's very bland, unoriginal, and it's been said 100000000000 times. I think if you just think it through and read over it a little more you can come up with something better no problem. Other than that, don't always try to think of a certain band or style when writing lyrics. I find that the product is much better when not constricted by the idea of "this genre has to have lyrics about this" or "I want to use this riff with it" Just sit down and write the best you can, then think about what style it could work with. Best of luck to you, check out my piece https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1477876