#1
you know it all until you know nothing, until those special moments become hidden pains clutched to your heart as close as sinew to bone; the fragmented structures and membranes that falter as you speak. you remember how your tongue rolled over your teeth, your hands rippled the fabric of space; the warmth and closeness of your blood to your skin. you knew it all, pretense and context silently walking past each window. there were no better memories. but they beat you. experience knocks the wind and teeth out of you, scatters every light to avoid contact with your paths. your trust and faith devolves until everything is the fraction of a sum; you touch the absence of closeness, as stern and cool as winter rains. these are your moments. these are your hidden pains. knowing. having ever felt completeness. there are no better memories. you know it all but you know nothing.
Last edited by hippieboy444 at Sep 8, 2011,
#3
reading this piece you may want to present it or break it down so it would be easier for the audience to view. i sense alot of words meshed together which isnt a bad thing because the idea is there.

im trying to relate tooth decay in this peice. i sense an particular individual has devoped a decay to the narrator with troubles and past mistakes. winter rains set in an atmospheric climate in this peice. memories from this particular individual is the theme. glacing back in history and reminding the bad times.

overall while i glaced at it, it brought my attention once i read it a couple times. the image and ideas are there but the only complaint is its meshed to together.
#4
i think this one wanted to end before the last couple sentences. It doesn't have much setting--there isnt really a "place of the poem." Its sort of dancing in air. and while i appreciate the resurgence of ideas from the beginning it just takes you back above ground without giving you enough of a stay in the real presence of this piece. It teeters on preachy, beginning and end but without the end, the beginning could maybe work, though I dont think the know nothing phrase is doing too much. It seems you would know those hidden pains better than anything and that seems the important part, not this highbrowed knowing of nothing. I think youve got some fantastic ideas- blood/veins rising to the skin, and some nice (wintery rain) images. they give you space to brush this up i think.

just some rambly thoughts. fun little read. always like reading you, matt.
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me