#1
Alright, so I've had this song idea for quite a while now and finally managed to get something down. However, I've only got a Pre-chorus/chorus and I'd like your opinion on what I've got.

Thanks everyone. C4C if you want it.

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Pre-Chorus
Scream until the sun draws
And wait for it all to begin again

Chorus
Now I’m inches from the ledge
Facing a wind that begs me to fall
And these fractured wings made from steel
Bend the knees that fail to stand tall

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That's all I've got thus far. Opinion?
"This nightmare's gonna break me.
Please, Daylight, save me..."
Last edited by DaysofGrace at Sep 10, 2011,
#2
First of all thank you for you input i was unsure about a chorus myself i might take a verse and rework it in to a chorus.


On to yours
The chorus i really like wouldn't change it at all.
Not a critisim at all but the the last word "draws" on the first line of the pre chorus don't sit right with me.
I invision it more as a sun setting or waiting for the sun to rise.
But other than that it's really good i cant wait to read the finnished lyrics.
#3
my intake on the chrous is drawn to struggle with inner self. making a poor decision thus leading to consquences. maybe its written with a preception of a bird trying to fly again after being injured. trying to move on again.