that second version is such a massive improvement. the juxtaposition of a burned home and the bird birth is jarring and lovely at the same time and painting the scene of a family walking through a house built from memory is just amazing. i'm not sure how the birdcage fits into the picture honestly though and i really wasn't a fan of the formatting. reading in columns is counter-intuitive for me and i find myself automatically moving my eyes to lines in the next verse over even when i know they don't belong there. great piece though.
Last edited by NGD1313 at Sep 16, 2011,