#1
Its not yet complete so feedback would be much appreciated
(Verse 1)
One day, we'll be doing fine,
And i think, that i can make you mine,
But all these thoughts, are running through my head,
What if You, choose someone else instead.
Because I'm, just an average guy,
Nothing special, and i won't lie,
You could do, much better than me,
I know your, way out of my league
(Pre-chorus)
But still, i will chase you,
And one day, hope to embrace you,
Make you mine, And never let go,
But that won't happen, because your just so...
(Chorus)
You make me laugh, you make me smile,
Maybe you'll, stay for a while,
But your so nice, And so funny,
You would never, choose a guy like me.
#2
I will give you a c 4 c

Quote by frostyy
Its not yet complete so feedback would be much appreciated
(Verse 1)
One day, we'll be doing fine,
And i think, that i can make you mine,
But all these thoughts, are running through my head,
What if You, choose someone else instead.
Because I'm, just an average guy,
Nothing special, and i won't lie,
You could do, much better than me,
I know your, way out of my league

Ok right of the bat....You should put spaces inbetween the parts of the song...makes for an easier read....the line "we'll be doing fine" does not flow and is not even proper english. I would consider dropping the word "doing" ...the rest is good...a bit cleche but god for a pop punk sound....in the last line "your" should be "you're"

(Pre-chorus)
But still, i will chase you,
And one day, hope to embrace you,
Make you mine, And never let go,
But that won't happen, because your just so...
I would advise on cleaning up your songs before posting them...there are people who will critisize you for not capitalizing your I's.....this is agian sort of cleche...it sounds like a lot of songs out there...but that doesnt mean it is not good....nothing stands out as bad or good here....it just is...


(Chorus)
You make me laugh, you make me smile,
Maybe you'll, stay for a while,
But your so nice, And so funny,
You would never, choose a guy like me.
I like the flow of it until "a guy like me" or the whole last line in fact...an alternative could be something like "You would never play out your forever with me" something like that....I would also recomend trying to find other words than nice, funny, smile, and laugh....these are very common words...




on an overall note....I like this song...It sounds like if it had some power chords behind it it could be a very good pop punk song....or even a good acoustic song with just open chords....the lyrics are a bit bland and could really be spiced up with a little help from a thesorous....

while it does not say C4C i will give you a link to one of my works....any input would be apreciated..

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1480190
I haz gotten gud
#3
Quote by ApatheticMe
I will give you a c 4 c


on an overall note....I like this song...It sounds like if it had some power chords behind it it could be a very good pop punk song....or even a good acoustic song with just open chords....the lyrics are a bit bland and could really be spiced up with a little help from a thesorous....

while it does not say C4C i will give you a link to one of my works....any input would be apreciated..

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1480190


Thankyou and yes it is a pop-punk song, heavily influenced by Blink - 182. I will definitely try and add to the lyrics when i get home this afternoon
Also i will definitely look at yours and give some input. I have to leave for exams now but will do when i get home
#4
Ok cool...I can see the directness of Blink in there....it would be good to spice it up a bit and give it your own style though.....

good luck on your exams..
I haz gotten gud
#5
haha thanks

For the last line of the chorus what would you think about..
"So you would never, spend your time with me"

I'm not sure about the line you suggested because I am really cautious about turning this into too much of a love song.