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#1
Every year, the top two history classes in my school have a water balloon fight/capture the flag fight, where once you're hit, you're dead. I am in one of those classes. I also have a reputation of being smart, but unathletic as shit, so I've been elected as the general. My first order of business was making this our official song, but that doesn't help too much, so I decided to draw up some battle plans. Here's the battle field.


(Red = my flag, blue = their's)

As you can see, it's a pretty standard softball field, with two dugouts and a fence along the perimeter. Here's the plans I came up with.



Okay, so I have 30 people at my disposal, which I have divided into two groups. Group A (referred to as "Big A") is a group of 20-25 scrubs who are just gonna run around and distract the other team while the elite squad of group B (referred to as Lil B) sneak around the perimeter to snatch the flag.


Like any good commander, however, I made more than one plan.



My team has some pretty good lacrosse players, so I think we should utilize them. The yellow dots would just stand behind the dugout and launch as many balloons as they can until they run out, at which point they hit the other team with their sticks while the refs aren't looking. While the launching is happening, everyone else attacks, except for me, because someone has to defend, right?


So let's see your ideas. Bear in mind this isn't some silly little game. People have gone to the hospital with infected cuts in years passed, and if you win, you get a little plaque in the school's center hall. So this is serious fucking business.
Last edited by genghisgandhi at Sep 18, 2011,
#3
Quote by genghisgandhi

Okay, so I have 30 people at my disposal, which I have divided into two groups. Group A (referred to as "Big A") is a group of 20-25 scrubs who are just gonna run around and distract the other team while the elite squad of group B (referred to as Lil B)
.

I stopped reading right there.
pinga
#5
Quote by genghisgandhi
group B (referred to as Lil B)

Goddamn it Genghis.
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#8
Quote by ryan_nadon
Goddamn it Genghis.

I knew he would work Lil B into this one way or another. Just another reason to love you Genghis. As for your plan, it needs more cowbell.
#9
1. How many of you are there?
2. How many of them?
3. How do you two compare physically?
3. Do you all have to start from the same place?
5. Can you prepare battlements the night before on the field?
6. What exactly is the flag? Is it a flag, an item, etc.? How big?
7. Does anyone on their team look like anyone on your team?
8. How long do you have to train?
9. Can you issue orders in-battle?
10. Did you notice the lack of #4?

And many more. Details, mang. If you want a good strategy, give me good intel.
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Last edited by necrosis1193 at Sep 18, 2011,
#10
10 squads of 3 people each. Each squadmember is responsible for watching out for the other two. They have to stick together. Assign each of them a task for the duration, but remind them that the ultimate goal is to get the flag.

Divide them up according to their abilities
- Fastest runners
- Best throwers
- Most intimidating/biggest targets

Now imagine how the other team is going to be acting. In such a situation the individual's primary instinct is "Don't fucking get hit!", so they will probably be hanging out on their half of the field being scared and shit. This also means that as soon as someone steps over the halfway line, a shitload of balloons go out. Your idea for someone to go around the back is a good one. Send one squad that way (let's call them The Penetrators from now on). Have them snatch the flag, but under no circumstances should they attempt to bring it back around the perimeter. As soon as they're noticed sneaking around, everyone goes that way and they're screwed. Flag is dropped behind the building there and they have an extra layer of defense. Their goal is to pick up the flag and run straight through the middle as fast as they damn well can, and get it as far as possible before dropping it. While this is going on you need to have 2-3 squads (The Bullets) moving straight across attempting to break through enemy lines to focus attention that way and improve the Penetrator's chance of getting through. One squad can puppy guard (The Puppies). It may be frowned upon, but it works. Now you have The Penetrators, the Puppies, and the Bullets for a total of 5 squads, meaning you have five left at your disposal. 2 of these should be drifting back and forth between the Puppies and the Bullets, looking specifically to eliminate any who get through your front line. These will be the Snipers. People who have good aim and are agile are of the utmost importance for this squad. The remaining 3 squads will be Cannon Fodder. Their task is to protect the important squads by taking hits for them, and to keep a constant barrage of balloons raining down on anyone guarding the enemy flag. Make sure they know to only attack those who are defending the enemy flag. The Snipers and the Puppies will take care of enemy attacks.

Good luck General.

Edit for Summary cause that's just one messy wall of text.

Summary

The Squads

Puppies - People like you who are unathletic or afraid to go out into the fray. Stick close to the flag, puppy guard it.

Penetrators - Fastest runners. Slip around the perimeter to snatch the flag and dash straight across the middle, advancing the flag as far as possible. Once they've touched the flag, they are disposable.

Bullets - 3 squads. Preferably the largest most athletic people you have. Attack straight down the middle. Keep the focus in the center of the battle, away from the Penetrators

Snipers - 2 squads. Most accurate throwers. Drifting through the middle mercilessly taking out any who get through your front line.

Cannon Fodder - 5 squads. Completely disposable. Their only goal is to take hits for the others and attack the enemy defenses.
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Last edited by chaos13 at Sep 18, 2011,
#11
Quote by necrosis1193
1. How many of you are there?
30
2. How many of them?
~30
3. How do you two compare physically?
Pretty much. I think we have more girls, so that could be a disadvantage
3. Do you all have to start from the same place?
Each team in their respective dugout
5. Can you prepare battlements the night before on the field?
Nope. No items can be added.
6. What exactly is the flag? Is it a flag, an item, etc.? How big?
I think it's a t shit on a stick. You could definitely notice someone carrying it.

Details, mang. If you want a good strategy, give me good intel.

Boom.
#12
build a giant water balloon catapult kill your enemies from afar
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#13
Quote by genghisgandhi
Boom.


Will get to work with what I have, report back in five or ten minutes. Answers to the ones edited in in the mantime though would be useful - sorry about that, but they popped into my mind after I posted.
THE FORUM UPDATE KILLED THE GRADIENT STAR

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2017 NFL Pick 'Em: 52-39
#14
Quote by necrosis1193
Will get to work with what I have, report back in five or ten minutes. Answers to the ones edited in in the mantime though would be useful - sorry about that, but they popped into my mind after I posted.

7. Does anyone on their team look like anyone on your team?
I honestly don't know. I doubt it though. We have some funny looking people.
8. How long do you have to train?
Like two weeks. But be real, I'm not getting 30 people together to train.
9. Can you issue orders in-battle?
Yup. I'm working on getting a megaphone.
10. Did you notice the lack of #4?
No. I r stupid.
#16
Alright, thanks. Expanding on question 5, can you alter the field though? For example, put up dirt walls as cover?
THE FORUM UPDATE KILLED THE GRADIENT STAR

Baltimore Orioles: 2014 AL Eastern Division Champions, 2017: 75-87
Baltimore Ravens: 2012 World Champions, 2017: 3-3
2017 NFL Pick 'Em: 52-39
#17
Quote by chaos13
10 squads of 3 people each. Each squadmember is responsible for watching out for the other two. They have to stick together. Assign each of them a task for the duration, but remind them that the ultimate goal is to get the flag.

Divide them up according to their abilities
- Fastest runners
- Best throwers
- Most intimidating/biggest targets

Now imagine how the other team is going to be acting. In such a situation the individual's primary instinct is "Don't fucking get hit!", so they will probably be hanging out on their half of the field being scared and shit. This also means that as soon as someone steps over the halfway line, a shitload of balloons go out. Your idea for someone to go around the back is a good one. Send one squad that way (let's call them The Penetrators from now on). Have them snatch the flag, but under no circumstances should they attempt to bring it back around the perimeter. As soon as they're noticed sneaking around, everyone goes that way and they're screwed. Flag is dropped behind the building there and they have an extra layer of defense. Their goal is to pick up the flag and run straight through the middle as fast as they damn well can, and get it as far as possible before dropping it. While this is going on you need to have 2-3 squads (The Bullets) moving straight across attempting to break through enemy lines to focus attention that way and improve the Penetrator's chance of getting through. One squad can puppy guard (The Puppies). It may be frowned upon, but it works. Now you have The Penetrators, the Puppies, and the Bullets for a total of 5 squads, meaning you have five left at your disposal. 2 of these should be drifting back and forth between the Puppies and the Bullets, looking specifically to eliminate any who get through your front line. These will be the Snipers. People who have good aim and are agile are of the utmost importance for this squad. The remaining 3 squads will be Cannon Fodder. Their task is to protect the important squads by taking hits for them, and to keep a constant barrage of balloons raining down on anyone guarding the enemy flag. Make sure they know to only attack those who are defending the enemy flag. The Snipers and the Puppies will take care of enemy attacks.

Good luck General.

Yeah, I was thinking about how Lil B could get back, and I was kind of leaning towards a mini subset of Big A kind of ushering them back. I'm not liking the idea of 5 squads. That could get kind of messy, but 5 rogues just kind of running around killing people where they can sounds pretty good. Thanks for the ideas!
#18
Okay, here's how it should go down: the members of Big A should be used as human shields. Get a sharpshooter from Lil B behind each Big A member and rush up to enemy lines. Once their shields are spent, form the group of "corpses" into a barrier of sorts. After a considerable amount enemy men are taken out, just go for the flag.
#19
Quote by necrosis1193
Expanding on question 5, can you alter the field though? For example, put up dirt walls as cover?

Fuck you on? That much dirt would cost like 500 dollars, and softball fields are packed down so hard, it's impossible to get any sort of wall out of them.
#20
you should just give home because this shit is stupid.
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#22
Quote by genghisgandhi
Fuck you on? That much dirt would cost like 500 dollars, and softball fields are packed down so hard, it's impossible to get any sort of wall out of them.


As the saying goes, in war, audacity is the finest calculation of genius. I'm by no means a genius, but aspiring to it isn't a bad thing.

Anyway, will get to work on maps now to accompany my suggestions.
THE FORUM UPDATE KILLED THE GRADIENT STAR

Baltimore Orioles: 2014 AL Eastern Division Champions, 2017: 75-87
Baltimore Ravens: 2012 World Champions, 2017: 3-3
2017 NFL Pick 'Em: 52-39
#24
Quote by Lion_Slicer
With that theme song, you've already won.

Unfortunately, hipster-lite anthems can only take you so far.
#25
Quote by theogonia777
you should just give home because this shit is stupid.

12 years of tradition is not stupid. And did you read the last part? We get our ****ing class on a ****ing plaque if we win. To hell with oppression, that's the only thing I'll fight for.
#26
Quote by genghisgandhi
Yeah, I was thinking about how Lil B could get back, and I was kind of leaning towards a mini subset of Big A kind of ushering them back. I'm not liking the idea of 5 squads. That could get kind of messy, but 5 rogues just kind of running around killing people where they can sounds pretty good. Thanks for the ideas!


And you think you alone trying to coordinate 29 other people won't get messy? This makes it so much easier, because each squad manages themselves, and they have a clear goal in mind. Organization is key. Without it, you will fail.
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#27
Quote by genghisgandhi
12 years of tradition is not stupid. And did you read the last part? We get our ****ing class on a ****ing plaque if we win. To hell with oppression, that's the only thing I'll fight for.


Then you should get thirty people together to train. A brilliant plan is still going to fail if you're unable to put it into practice.
When some stranger on the internet says it is so, it must be so.
#28
How tall is the fence?

You could have ~27 people rush straight ahead like madmen, screaming obscenities, in hopes of at least one or two surviving the confrontation and grabbing the flag.

Have a couple people behind the fence about ½-¾ of the way to the opponent's goal. The person that retrieves the flag -- who will hopefully be getting protection from whoever on your team is still "alive" -- can run and toss the flag over the fence to the participants that are waiting for it.

They then proceed to return the flag to your base. You proceed to get showered with Gatorade by legions of adoring fans.
Last edited by due 07 at Sep 18, 2011,
#29
Quote by due 07
How tall is the fence?

You could have ~27 people rush straight ahead like madmen, screaming obscenities, in hopes of at least one or two surviving the confrontation and grabbing the flag.

Have a couple people behind the fence about ½-¾ of the way to the opponent's goal. The person that retrieves the flag - who will hopefully be getting protection from whoever on your team remains - can run and toss the flag over the fence to the participants that are waiting for it.

They then proceed to return the flag to your base. You proceed to get showered with Gatorade by legions of adoring fans.

So honor means nothing to you?

Besides, the fence in the bottom of the picture is on top on a pretty tall hill (5-7 feet?), so they'd be sitting ducks on their way there.
#30
dig under the field to the opponents flag. cave it in when they try to follow you.
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#32
Slip a 20 to one of the opposing team's people and get their plan. Craft your counter-plan accordingly.

Or better yet, plant a mole so they sabotage themselves.
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#33
Quote by theogonia777
you should just give home because this shit is stupid.


Home is the other way dumbass. We're talking baseball right?
you're a stone fox
#34
I think that the team that is supposed to retrieve the flag should have a small but fast runner, guarded by bigger teammates to ensure (s)he survives.
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#35
get your fastest runner to flank around and a small group to flank the other side to act as a diversion. the rest of your team stay in no-mans land and throw water balloons like there is no tomorrow.
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#36
Quote by genghisgandhi
So honor means nothing to you?

Besides, the fence in the bottom of the picture is on top on a pretty tall hill (5-7 feet?), so they'd be sitting ducks on their way there.

Well I tried.
#37
All plans so far suck. Everybody on either team is just going to stand right next to the flags so they don't get taken. Split your team into three squads. Have the first stay in front of the flag. Have the other two go around either side of the field and when they get almost behind the opposing team have all three squads flank them. Then just casually walk the flag back once you've taken out the entire opposing team.
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Your post was the only bright spot in this disgusting piece of thread.

Quote by lexanirider78
You have balls. I like balls....(awkward silence)

Quote by SeveralSpecies
I waited for the rape.

...


...but the rape never came
#39
Alright, here's my plan for the battle. I'm not a professional strategist, so it's not the best, but I think it's workable.

It's worth noting though that it will not work if you don't practice - I guarantee they will, so if you really want to win, put some time in. The best plan in the world will fail if the soldiers executing it are untrained.

Also remember not to stick rigidly to the plan, adapt. Practice for in case things go awry, because no plan survives contact with the enemy.



Split yourselves into ten groups of three. This gives you big enough numbers to do some damage, but small enough that you can do some strategizing.



The is the core of the plan - Groups A-F dig their heels in and defend that flag. You can't win without taking theirs, but neither can they without taking yours. If you challenge them to a battle of attrition, if you're prepared, you'll win. Groups G-I are your attack line - their job is to fight the enemy. Don't let them charge though, let the enemy come to you. The winner is often the one who forces their opponent's hand, if you get to pick where and when, you're at an advantage.

the attack groups aren't all clustered together both so they can react if the enemy tries to surround them, and so if the enemy clusters, they can flank them. Two are on their left so most people will have more on their off side. Group J is a "roamer" - they wander the battlefield, picking off enemies, and if circumstances permit, grab the flag. Their job is not to engage in central fights though, and avoid fighting when possible to remain under the radar.

Lets assume the field groups take out the first offensive wave, but groups I and G go down in the process.



Reposition your defense and reinforce group H. About a third of your team just beat whatever they sent out, so in theory, they should be smaller now, so you can risk a smaller defense. Repeat the previous step otherwise.

Now lets assume that the entire field position went down.



In that case, your best bet is to set up a strong front defense with your best arms up-front, hope they get a victory high, and charge. J will keep trying for the flag or, if circumstances permit, flank them.

Lets go back to the main plan though. Assuming they send an equal third of their team out and lose that third in the first skirmish, they'll likely send the bulk of their remaining forces in the next attack, rather than repeating the move from before.



Have groups E, F, and H form an arrow formation - this gives the rear groups slight cover without blocking their line of fire, and allows for easy maneuvering. Move groups H and F to attack the enemy from the sides, and have group J move in from behind. This is the only time group J should ever intentionally go into a fight. Cut off their line of retreat, and they'll not only be taking more fire, they'll panic.

If all goes as planned, this should leave their numbers thin enough that one or two groups can cover your flag, while the rest of your troops destroy what's left, grab the flag, and get the hell out of there.

Again, no plan survives contact with the enemy, don't be afraid to improvise, and unless you want to lose, practice. You have athletes, gauge how far they can throw, how long it takes people to react at different distances, how long it takes to cover various distances, and put the most athletic in your forward positions. They'll need to throw farther and faster to hit first, and move quickly to dodge what comes their way.

Don't be afraid to use phychological warfare, too. Have battle cries, have what athletes have it bring their armor from their sport, come up with handshakes that are less of handshakes, more of saying "We're so fucking tough, we hit each other for fun, motherfuckers" It sounds silly, but that's because it's supposed to be - the whole point of this exaggerated act is to surprise, and hopefully, scare, your opponents. They're expecting a motley group of teens with water balloons. Give them fucking vikings.

Also see how scantily the girls on your team are willing to dress - I know that sounds crude, sexist, and dickish, but the fact of the matter is your opponents are teenagers, mostly male teenagers. They're hormonal and horny, and few things will distract them quite as well as a pair of bouncing breasts. If they're fine with a tank-top or even a bikini top instead of a shirt, it'll bring down at least one of your opponents.

Godspeed, you magnificent bastard.
THE FORUM UPDATE KILLED THE GRADIENT STAR

Baltimore Orioles: 2014 AL Eastern Division Champions, 2017: 75-87
Baltimore Ravens: 2012 World Champions, 2017: 3-3
2017 NFL Pick 'Em: 52-39
Last edited by necrosis1193 at Sep 18, 2011,
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